And Now, Vince's Uncle Roberto On How To Eat a Triceratops In Four Easy Steps

New research by paleontologists has revealed the new theory of how Tyrannosaurus Rex used to devour Triceratops during the Cretaceous Period. Here are the findings recently released by the Society of Vertebrate Paleontology on how to eat a Triceratops:

1) Grab hold of the Triceratops' frill with your massive jaws.

2) Pull the frill upwards to create tension and tear the flesh. If the flesh still does not tear, perforate it with your massive teeth, then retry.

3) Rip the head off.

4) Enjoy the tasty neck flesh. Eat the skin off the face, if you fancy.

And speaking of tearing one's head off, if your limo driver shows up 5 minutes late for a pickup, he probably had a good reason, so you shouldn't discourage him with a bunch of abusive language over 5 lousy minutes, especially if he hasn't taken you to your destination yet. Think straight, kids.

Who Needs Axe?

Spotted in a discount store in Irvington, NJ: a rack of excellently titled scents.

Click to engorge...er, enlarge.


In addition to the Chanel No. 5 and Polo Black knockoffs ("Parise Hilton Type"), I was delighted to find other original titles: "Black Women," "Tupac," and "Sex On the Beach."


I did notice that the more explicit fragrances, e.g. "Lick Me All Over," "Eat It Raw" and "Butt Naked" were all sold out.


Let's just hope they had money left over for condoms. Or just one that they could reuse.