Some Hollywood Movies Based On the Names of Racehorses in the Kingston Stakes

Hollywood is out of ideas. And the major studios are looking everywhere for source material for their next movie. Luckily, they found inspiration in the Kingston Stakes scoreboard and have announced movies that they have greenlit for the fall based on racehorses' names.

Here are the movies already in development:

"Lamb Cop" starring Jason Bateman and Jon Heder

A young cop from the city (Bateman) moves to a small town and deputizes a former freak show performer who is half man/half lamb (Heder). Together they solve a series of carnival-related murders and crimes. Executive produced by Tim Burton

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"STIPULATE" starring Alexander Skarsgård and Amandla Stenberg

This stalker horror movie pits a young lawyer (Stenberg) against a psycho client (Skarsgård) who wants her to take his murder case. Also starring Jean Smart and Stephen McKinley Henderson as the senior partners who insist she take the case.

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"Athenian Idol" starring Faizon Love, Simu Liu and Elias Koteas

A singing competition filming in Greece turns deadly when terrorists take over the arena. It is up to the show's three judges to find a way to take out the bad guys. Also starring Monique Lattimore as the harried producer.

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"I'm Driven" starring Carey Mulligan, Daniel Kaluuya, and Adam Driver

This spoof of racing dramas like Ferrari and Ford & Ferrari features three rival Grand Prix drivers who will lie, cheat and steal to win this year's race. Who will be the most ruthless to claim the trophy?

Good Lord.

 Spotted on Facebook (because old people are on Facebook):

The Joel Ostend Audio Devotional, which looks suspiciously like a repurposed Sharper Image white noise device. Or a humidifier that makes waffles. Or an alarm clock that sweeps the carpet.

What in the St. Francis of Assisi is going on here? Is the device THAT big? Is this actually a brilliant Martin Short bit? Because it sure looks like it.

Hawaii Roof Was Nervous.

 

Hawaii Roof was nervous.

Workout Machine couldn't bear to look.

Electric Meter Camel smiled upside down.

Side of House was scandalized.

And Detergent Jugs all sat in silent judgment.

"Do Not Take Life Too Seriously. You Will Never Get Out of It Pathmark."

Pick One

Okay, which of these two product shot models look more like they're dead inside?

Is it the SNUGGIE TAILS kid...

Or the SNUGGIE grown man?

Which model realized their career is going VERY DIFFERENTLY than how they imagined?

Yet Another Ad On Facebook

I don't want to live on this planet anymore.

Subliminal Oppression?

Pictured below, an onscreen Sprite ad (OBEY YOUR THIRST) on the Burger King soda dispenser briefly reminded me of "They Live":