Tuesday, August 9, 2022

Some New Movie Ideas Based On Subway Sandwich Names


Having used up every last comic book source material for a blockbuster movie script, the script writers of all the major studios have turned to the next logical resource: the menu at Subway. Here now are the latest greenlit projects movie fans can look forward to next year:


The Philly, The Outlaw, and The Monster

This hardboiled trilogy directed by Alfonso Gomez-Rejon begins a desperate young burglar (Keke Palmer) in Philadelphia who joins forces with a crime boss (Tyler Perry) to take down a serial killer (Kevin Bacon) who's been targeting criminals.


"Supreme Meats" starring Billy Eichner and Mos Def

This musical comedy follows two employees at Tyson Foods who quit their job to make music in a nearby warehouse, much to the chagrin of their former boss (Eva Longoria).


"The Great Garlic" produced by Robert Zemeckis

This CG animated adventure takes place entirely in the pantry of a food vlogger features the voice talents of T.I., Rebel Wilson, Anna Faris, Steve Carell, and Michael B. Jordan. Also featuring Florence Pugh as the voice of Balsamic Vinegar.


"Turkey Cali Club" starring Jonah Hill, Jurnee Smollett, Jay Pharaoh and Pete Davidson

The Long Beach dance club scene gets a much needed boost when some young entrepreneurs buy every club on Pine Avenue to form one giant club. Tim Heidecker plays the police officer responding to a noise complaint every fifteen minutes.

Friday, August 5, 2022

Here Are The Shows That Are Being Removed And Added To HBO Max This Month


 Every so often, HBO Max renews or cancels shows or movies based on viewer preferences. Here now are all the shows that will be added to the streaming service this month:

• Prescription Road Show: How Much Is This Stolen Medicine Worth?


• Documentary: SKORTS: A Cultural Touchstone


• Fresh Prince From Bel Air Reboot Reboot


• Paul Giamatti Does Dramatic Readings of Safe Meat Handling Brochures



Here are the shows and movies that HBO Max is removing from their lineup this month:


• Lord of the Rings: Fellowship Of the No Wait It's a Game of Thrones Show


• Alternative Sopranos Series Where Tony Runs a Successful Dry Cleaners Business


• Succession/Billions Crossover Event


• Problematic Looney Tunes Cartoons From Back When They Were Funny

Thursday, August 4, 2022

More Memorable Lines From Movies I Haven't Watched


"No, I'm not Aquaman in this one."


"Stop swimming away from me, Josh! I love you because your MY SON, dammit!"


"Nope. I'm not Aquaman in this, either. Sorry."


"Are we gonna just stand here or are we gonna start shoo..."

*Gets shot*


*Incoherent mumbling followed by sudden, high-pitched shouting.*

"Oh Dad!"


The uncles were pissed that someone used all the razors to shave their legs.


"See, this is precisely why I avoid Times Square. It's only full of tourists and easy children's clue quests."

Wednesday, August 3, 2022

Drink Carrier Was Cranky


Drink Carrier was cranky.


Target Rack ignored him.


"I am zee French door, non?"


Paper Towel Ghost tried to escape.