A Question For A Gift Card Company

Recently, I came upon some gift cards that were titled according to how they were bundled (which is a pretty good idea):

Now, I understand Game & Grub, and Pack & Go, but for the life of me I can't wrap my head around Food  & Laughs. Where are the laughs? Am I supposed to laugh at the absurdly thick Cheesecake Factory menus or laugh at the limited selections of BJ's Brewhouse Restaurant? What's funny about Red Robin or Red Lobster? Is there something at Cracker Barrel besides the godawful home decorations for sale or the backwards hillbilly clientele... oh I see. Never mind.

How I Eat One Of Those Cracker Sticks 'N Cheese Pack Thingies

1. Chuck that stupid red spreader. Useless.

 

2. Grab the first cracker stick and scoop a good 75% of cheese substance with it.

 

3. Grab a second cracker stick and scoop another 20% of cheese substance with it.

 

4. The third cracker stick is for scraping the remaining 5% cheese substance, thus screwing the other three remaining cracker sticks.

 

5. Shit.

 

6. Buy another Crackers 'N Cheese Pack Thingie and dive into the new wealth of cheese substance!

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Smecial Mostly Andrew Dreams Entry

The EADJ Crappinema Presents Jock Of the Bushveldt

Holy fucking shit. The things I do for this blog. I suffered through 90 of the most excruciatingly boring minutes of my life with the latest Crappinema offering, "Jock of the Bushveldt." The box says "In 1886, 20 year old Percy Fitzpatrick from Kapstad sets out for Delagoa Bay in Transvaal to dig for gold." But what it meant to say was "We are going to bore you so badly with footage of a dude playing with his dog for two hours that you'll start hating dogs and wish for the sweet release of death." Dude, this thing was SO PAINFUL to watch, it took me four months to even get through it to make this entry. Absolutely miserable.























































Here's a touching dog/man love sequence montage when Percy Fitzpatrick must leave Jock for some reason. Who gives a shit anymore?


To approximate my agony, just watch this clip 90 times.




After not much deliberation, I plotted "Jock of the Bushveldt" on the ol' EADJ Crappinema Continuum (patent pending). And sure enough, that bad boy was the very worst one of the ten (!) films that have been reviewed in this segment. It was relentlessly, brutally boring in a way that can only be described as "attention cancer."

Click to enlarge