Alternate Opening Lyrics to Lisa Loeb's 1994 Song "Stay (I Missed You)"

EADJ recently gained access to Lisa Loeb's old notebooks and discovered that her 1994 runaway hit "Stay (I Missed You)" had quite a few alternate opening lines instead of

♪ You say / I only hear what I want to ♪

The song itself is an emotional post-mortem to a break-up and hints at the main character admitting she wasn't a great partner/roommate and perhaps wanting to move back in with them.

Here now are some of those alternates:

♪ You say / I ate all of your Cheetos ♪

♪ You say / I leave pubes in the shower ♪

♪ You say / I pay rent with Chuck E Cheese tokens ♪

♪ You say / I blocked your car in on purpose ♪

♪ You say / I gave you chlamydia ♪

♪ You say / I sold your VCR for some uppers ♪

♪ You say / I fart in your gym bag on purpose ♪

♪ You say / I never flush when we have guests ♪

♪ You say / I erase your answering machine messages on purpose ♪

♪ You say / I stole the batteries from the remote for my shaver ♪

Twitter's Least Used Hashtags, Week of April 3

Now here is a stack of underused Twitter hashtags that need a home. Won't you attach some of these to your stupid tweets? They'd appreciate it.

#aplasticsurgeonwhocares

#mypenisisstuckinthisdrawer

#gocharlottebobcats

#leavekimjongunalone

#plankinglol

#chickenbased

#ogilvyhomeperm

#katemiddletonvomit

#highonlifeandmeth

#voldemortapologist

#idontneedtheseovaries

#punchingjeffhealey

#c@ck

From The Studio That Brought You "Battleship" and "He's Just Not That Into You:" "FLEX BELT 3D"

Now that Hollywood is completely out of ideas, having based entire movies on lines of toys and scraps of paper left in Philip K. Dick's bottom drawer, the idea of turning to the pages of the latest issue of SkyMall was a natural next step. 

Paramount Pictures and Universal Studios is proud to present "FLEX BELT 3D" starring Denise Richards, Lisa Rinna, Adrianne Curry and Some Muscled Douche With A Disturbingly Huge Forehead.

T.E.A.M. FLEX BELT is the newest superhero team adaptation- the story of three fairly recognizable C-level celebrities who don magical belts to transform into crime fighting C-level celebrities.

SEE them block the exit to a bank with their hands on their hips to stop a heist!

HEAR the unpleasant velcro sound the belts make when they take them off!

FEEL that one guy's massive forehead- I swear you could balance a keg on it!

Denise Richards stars as Becky Crampon, a sociologist/genetic scientist who uses her tightened abs to defeat ignorance and uninformed hearsay! 

Adrianne Curry stars as Maximillia Kegel, a brassy spitfire Valedictorian from Harvard who bounces at the local bar but wants to clean up the crime of her beloved city with the power of her bleached, shiny taint!

Lisa Rinna stars as Capt. Matrona Cosmeticia, a surgically-altered empath who can read your mind and create powerful forcefields of obscurity around her!

Brian Wade's forehead stars as the front receptionist's desk at T.E.A.M. FLEXBELT'S headquarters. Seriously. Look at that forehead. Banksy could do a mural on that thing.

(click to enlarge the newly released one sheet)

Hell, I'd see that movie.