Old Fashioned Sugar Cookies

Today We Asked A Man With His Head Squeezed Between A Woman's Thighs About Streaming Services

 People who have cu... ahh... cut cable may still be looking for... huff huff... live TV options. Live *gag* TV streaming *gasp* services are great because they... ahh... they... ouch. Dammit. They give you the ability to watch local and national... agh... news as well as live sports and events... Wait. Ouch ouch ow ow ow ow ow ow... All you need... oh God...  is a streaming device or smart TV. Try these services:

• Direct TV Stream

• Hulu Plus Live TV

• Oh Goddammit My Jaw

• Sling TV

• MOTHERFUCKER THIS HURTS

Whichever service you... gag... end up with, make sure... m... m... make sureyouhavefastenoughbroadband internetsomultiplepeoplecanwatchontheirowndevices... *neck snaps*

Trash Can With A Sunglasses Case On It Winked At A Guy

Trash Can With A Sunglasses Case On It Winked At A Guy

Stancheon grinned like an idiot.

Adjustment Icon On A Tablet could care less.

Mini Forklift was mystified by it all.

Black Roller couldn't bear to be left alone.

Stairwell Rack With Hearts was crazily in love.

Building Reflection creepily stared ahead.

White Kidnapper Van was ambivalent.

Some Ponderings On That Picture

Since discovering that random photo of that sullen dude in Walgreen's last week, we here at EADJ have agonized over how it got there and its meaning in the universe. We broke into discussion groups, did some serious soul searching, and came up with a few ideas of why the hell that thing ended up there. Here are a few theories from some of America's top scientists:

"I think he's mad somebody threw water at him."
-Liam McCarthy, eight-grader named "America's Top Young Scientist" in the 2010 National Young Scientist Challenge

"In most likelihood, he is a young man who works at Walgreen's who has been promoted by default to a position of management because of a vacancy. The young man's expression reveals his reluctance to take on the tremendous new responsibility of telling someone to open another register when the check-out line gets long. The absence of a name plate near the photo further reinforces my theory of his reluctance."
-Pamela Matson, dean of Stanford University's School of Earth Sciences

"To me, it looks like this is the photo of some guy who bounced too many checks at that Walgreen's, so they posted his photo in a prominent (however random) place to warn others not to do the same. Just look at how profusely he's perspiring."
-Yakir Aharonov, quantum physicist and recipient of the National Medal of Science

"This photo is actually a 'before' promo shot for a store display selling a posture corrective brace. It was misplaced in the store, and an employee mistakenly framed it."
-Venkatraman Ramakrishnan, structural biologist and Nobel laureate