An Open Discussion

I opened a "Signals" catalog the other day, and I'm pretty sure I spotted former "Flip or Flop" host Christina El Moussa modeling a floral top.

I mean, that is her, isn't it? It sure looks like her.

But let's back up for a minute. Does it make any sense for an HGTV star like that to slum with a mail order catalog? Is she so in need of cash that she has to model some cheapo blouse for junk mail?

Maybe.

Maybe that divorce with Tarek was so ugly, she was left with little more than monthly rent. Add the expenses of caring for their children and yeah, she might have some expenses to take care of there.

But then again, she's a friggin' TV star. And she didn't leave HGTV with any bad blood, from what I understand. Plus she's incredibly attractive, so of course the channel would hook her up with a new gig and she wouldn't need to model some dollar store rags.

But on the other hand, that sure as shit looks like her. And she didn't really seem to roll up her sleeves in those "Flip or Flop" construction jobs; I often saw her walking into a work zone in friggin platform heels and light colored slacks. So maybe modeling was her calling all along.

What do YOU think, friends?

The One Dissenting Friend of Billy Joel's Character In the Song "Uptown Girl" Speaks Out

Hey Bill. It's me, Jeremy.

Listen, man, I've worked with you here in Downtown Gas for a good year and a half, and we've gotten to know each other pretty well in the garage, so I feel like I know you enough to just go out and say this:

You shouldn't be dating that Uptown Girl.

I know, the other guys (Jeff in particular) think it's great that you've not only found a girl who's not insane (LOL!) but one as classy and famous as that Uptown Girl. You haven't had a lot of luck with women for a while, and it's good to see you so happy when you're working on motors. You haven't even gotten mad this week when I've taken longer smoke breaks. Believe me, I've noticed!

But something tells me that this relationship you have with this woman isn't such a good idea. It just doesn't add up. I mean, she's incredibly famous, modeling for Uptown Cosmetics and swimsuit pin-ups, and she rides around in a freakin' Rolls Royce, for crying out loud. Have you ever even worked on one of those? Why would she be crossing town to hang out with grease monkeys like us?


Now, before you fly off the handle and get defensive, don't think I'm judging you. I know you're a stand up guy, and you're not just dating her for her money. If it were about money, you'd have sold Downtown Gas to that fancy-pants golf course developer, am I right?


I'm just saying, I've seen girls with money date "backstreet guys" like us before, and it's never worked out. These dames do get bored of their high class toys, and all the presents from their uptown boys, but a few months later, they get sick of paying for bowling and pizza and want to be treated to a nice filet mignon or champagne. They go "slumming" for a month, then head back Uptown to the life they're used to. I'm just warning you not to get your heart broke, Bill.


If you still don't believe me, I've talked to some married guy with kids whose life she almost ruined, who can confirm that she's a tease. I'll give you his number. His name is Clark Griswold.

Some items from the Tianna auction at Christie's

A 1982 publicity photo of Tianna in the first season cast of "Silver Spoons" on NBC. Sold for $1.8 Million.


DJ Kay Gee, Tianna, Treach, and Vin Rock on the cover of their 1993 single "Hip Hop Hooray." Sold for $320,000.

Manut Bol, Eat a Dick Jol

Joel was tearfully given a momento from the family of his former mentor Tianna: the angora rabbit's water bottle. Filled with the $200-a-bottle Bling gourmet bottled water, it was the last possession not auctioned off by Christie's this morning. Joel reportedly stayed dry-eyed until he saw that the nozzle was sort of phallic. He then slobbered and cried until he shat his cargo shorts. Tianna's former handlers were asked to clean him up.

Visionary German filmmaker Werner Herzog has shown interest in directing "DICK APPETIT: The Joel Thomas Story," a hot script which has made the rounds in recent weeks. Variety reports that Herzog would prefer to cast an unknown in the title role, saying that since Joel is pretty unknown already, he might as well jump in front of the camera. Whatever.

(pictured above, Peter K displays the new nickname Three 6 Mafia gave to him.