Party!

In the December issue of NJ Kids' Directory, we spotted an ad for a party venue called Once Upon A Party, which seems to be prepared for pretty much any themed party:


(It's "under new management," so you know there's less kidnapping.)

After calling the place, it turns out that the list of parties in the ad isn't their full menu. Here are some additional themed parties that they didn't have room to include:

• Bachelor Party
• Key Party
• Monkey Adoption/Abandonment Party
• Mommy Just Needs To Sit Down For A Minute And Have A Scotch Party
• Pity Party
• It's Time To Grow The Fuck Up Party
• Tea Party (Which Claims To Be About Less Government Intervention And Fiscal Responsibility But Actually Can't Stand The Thought Of Having A Black President)
• Spread Lice Party
• Dad Paid Alimony Party
• Sweet 16 Party
• Sweet 36 Party
• Basque Nationalist Party
• Compulsory Attendance Party
• Party That None Of These Little Shits Will Ever Remember
• Canker Party
• Fudgepacking Party
• Intervention
• Heavy Metal Parking Lot Party

Through My Trees.

(pictured above, an R&B compilation loses street cred)

Kitten: Saucer of Milk as Joel: Dick

Rosie O' Donnell on The View yesterday morning blasted EADJ for what she called its "crude humor."

Well, this blog isn't named "Brainsmile A Subtle Nuance Joel," is it, Rosie? Its raison d'être is to torment Joel by pointing out how many DICKS he EATS. Not exactly a forum for the droll musings of Oscar Wilde.

To further build on EADJ's brand equity, here are the lyrics to one of Joel's favorite songs, "Islands in the Dick," as sung by Kenny Rogers and Dolly Parton (and helpfully penned by JOHN REID):

Baby when I met you there was dick dick dick.
I set out to dick you with a fine tooth dick.
I was soft inside
there was dick dick goin' on.
You dick something to me that I can't explain.
Hold me closer and I eat more dick
Ev'ry beat of my dick
we got dick dick dick dick dick
Tender dick is blind
it requires dick dick eating
All this dick we eat needs no conversation.
We eat dick together, uh huh
eatin' dick with each other, uh huh

Islands in the dick that is what Joel eats
More dick in between
how can Joel be wrong.
Sail away with Joel to eat mo-ore dick

And we eat dick with Joel, uh huh
from one dick dick to another, uh huh

I can't dick dick dick dick dick dick dick, dick, dick.
Ev'rything is nothing if you dick dick dick
And you ate dick in the night slowly losin' sight of the real dick.
But than won't happen to Joel and he's got no doubt
Too deep in dick and Joel got no way out and the eating is dick
This could be the dick for the eat dick
no more will Joel cry.
Baby I will hurt you never. We eat dick as one in love forever.
We can ride it together, uh huh
eating dick with Joel Thomas, uh huh

Islands in the dick that is what Joel eats
More dick in between
how can Joel be wrong.
Sail away with Joel to eat mo-ore dick

And we eat dick with Joel, uh huh
from one dick dick to another, uh huh


(pictured above, a typo in a work order results in a farcical photo shoot)