Weird Advert

Spotted online, an ad for home equity loans, featuring a very confusing visual:

I get the "DIP into your equity" connection, but why an avocado? That doesn't seem to be part of the Lending Tree brand (and I understand avocados grow on trees). 

And is that a nacho shaped float in the pool? Why is the chip so much smaller than the avocado? I'm also concerned about that white towel that's about to fall off the side.

Also, as avocados go, that one sucks because look how huge the pit is and how little pulp is left.

Final grade: F

"Marcia! Marcia! Pathmark!"

The Latest Successful Crowdfund Projects on Kickstarter

Kickstarter has announced its latest round of greenlit enterpreneurial projects. Backers of these projects can look forward to not getting ripped off:

• a hands free toilet that wipes your ass with scorching lasers

• an album by a washed up pop singer covering traditional Irish folk songs although the singer isn't remotely Irish

• a t-shirt that says I'M JUST THE BAR BACK for bar backs at bars

• an ice tray that makes specially shaped cubes that slip out of your hands and onto the kitchen floor (No wait, they all do that)

• crunchy mouthwash

• breast milk spumoni

• a helpful NYC map that shows all the sidewalks where you'd get arrested if you took a dump

Here Are The Shows That Are Being Removed And Added To Netflix This Month

Every so often, Netflix renews or cancels shows or movies based on viewer preferences. Here now are all the shows that will be added to Netflix this month:

• That '00s Show

• Mucinex Commercial starring Kevin James

• Stormy Daniels Storytime

• Some Shit Documentary About Tollbooths or Whatever 

• BEET THAT! The game show that challenges you to identify 6 different types of beets.

Here are the shows and movies that Netflix is removing from their lineup this month:

• Friend of the Cousin of Alfred from Batman

• Let's Cook Jamie Oliver

• Expensive IP: The Series

• Influencer Death Match

• Dance Battle Champion: The Secret Life of Walter Cronkite

This Week in Chicago Whatever

The following are episode synopses for this week:

Chicago P.D.

Farrow discovers a dark secret about the break room fridge. Captain Stewart keeps getting confused with another captain whose first name is Stuart. A sloppy arrest results in the suspect going free and two cops misplacing their police duty belts.

Chicago Med

Dr. Wilson discovers a dark secret about the break room fridge. EMT Jenny has a beef with the trauma nurses over a vicious rumor about her breath. Everyone in Triage mysteriously gets hives.

Chicago Fire

Lieutenant Gordy discovers a dark secret about the break room fridge. Somebody parks in front of the station garage door. Everybody gets addicted to the "Dance Moms" marathon on TV.

Happy Independence Day from EADJ

We at Eat a Dick Joel wish you a happy and safe July 4. For those of you who insist on setting off fireworks with little or no regard for safety precautions, we hope you find the fingers you blew off so you can get them reattached in the Emergency Room. Enjoy!

Huh?

Thanks, Reese's. I was getting sick of those meat-based peanut butter cups.