New (Beta) EADJ Segment: Can We Cut The Shit?

Can we cut the shit?

Can we stop showing fake-ass families in commercials, where the mom and dad are obviously 20-something models who've never even fed a baby, much less raised a kid? Can we stop pretending that they haven't just met each other 10 minutes before shooting and that their awkwardness shows through CLEARLY in the footage?

Can we cut the shit?

Even More Memorable Lines From Movies I Haven't Seen

Chelsea: "Okay, our hair is all braided. Now the fuck what?"

Dina: "Are you finished yet?"

Hector: "Ugggghhh. Yep."

Tranquility Base: "What seems to be the problem, Capricorn One?"

Captain Wilson: "Tranquility Base, I thing the Tang is fermented, cuz I am tripping balls here."

Morgan Freeman's Character: "It's odd that we all worked for Bruce Wayne."

Michael Caine's Character: "That's true. How very interesting."

Alan Arkin's Character: "Bruce Wayne? Who's Bruce Wayne? Are you two crazy?!"

Dean (Ferrell): "He was cheating in Blackjack. Rough him up, Sully."

Sully: "You mean, like, shake him, or slap him?"

Dean: "Jeez, I don't know, Sully, try both, okay? You're the muscle!"

Greg: "Sorry, hon. I'm sure we parked around here somewhere..."

Papa Smurf: "Even though we've lived in an isolated village far from humans, we somehow know all the latest pop culture phrases and memes, ain't that right, Brainy Smurf?"

Brainy Smurf: "YOLO, beeyatch! Fidget Spinner Twitterverse Rickroll throwing shade! LOL"

Saresh: "You know how it is!"

Prya: "I sure do!"

Demon 3: "Okay, you found me."

Axton: "I'm going bonkers here, Wilma! I need a motherfucking support animal!"

Dougie: "My penis is erect because of your amazing body."

Candy: "Gross. I'm calling the police."

Super Bowl®™ Ad Pre-Broadcast Roundup

EADJ was fortunate to receive a DVD with all of next Sunday's Super Bowl commercials. Here is a pre-game roundup review of our favorite commercials which the rest of you have yet to watch:

1) The men from "Duck Dynasty" shave their beards with the new Gillette ProGlide to reveal that they're really the "Queer Eye For The Straight Guy" guys. A+

2) Maggie and Jake Gyllenhaal sell the extra A's in their names for the delicious scrumptiousness of Duncan Hines Yellow Cake Mix. But does it make any sense? No. D

3) A transforming giant moose made of refrigerators takes a dump into Lake Placid for the new Kindle. B+

4) 15 seconds of a fully erect penis, followed by the Godaddy.com logo and Danica Patrick not showing anything. C-

5) MUTHAFUCKING CLYDESDALES AGAIN???!?!?!?!?!? F-

6) A fan-generated commercial for Doritos totally rips off a fan-generated commercial for Heinz Ketchup, resulting in two fan-generated attorneys to fan-duke it out in fan-court. (Grade pending)

7) Justin Bieber does a serious PSA about underage drinking and responsibility, saying that... JUST KIDDING! It's totally a viral trailer for "SUPERBAD 2: The New Blood," starring Jonah Hill, Michael Cera and Christopher Mintz-Plasse, and introducing Elle Fanning as McLovin's hard partying sister Cassandra! C+

8) Sarah Palin and Katie Couric bury the hatchet for a Klondike Bar. Sarah dumbly holds the package upside down. D+

9) The surviving members of the Beastie Boys, TLC, Queen and Def Leppard ask you if you're jellin' with Dr. Scholl's Massaging Insoles. F--------

10) Local station ad for an upcoming flea market. No special effects, celebrities, cast reunions or Clydesdales: C+

The Official Death of a Hip Hop Term

Once upon a time, not long ago, the term "swagger" had some pull in the hip-hop world.



And in another universe, the backs of Special K cereal used language familiar to most 50 year old moms.


But one day, that term showed up on one of the cereal labels:


What the hell? Why would a dorky cereal company decide to go to 'da club' and use such a street term? Yes, I realize the word already existed in the English language before it was common in rap songs. But you gotta wonder why the Kellogg company thought fit to use "swagger" alongside the word "pizazz." Or maybe Stephanie P. is just a really big hip-hop fan.

I blame Ke$ha. For a lot of things.