New EADJ Segment: DoorDash Photography Critique!

This new segment will offer a balanced critique of Doordash (and sometimes Amazon) delivery photography, examining the composition, lighting and overall aesthetic beauty of their shots. Three factors that will be at the center of each critique are intent, skill, and consistency. Let's begin:

"Dunkin Donuts" by Miguel from DoorDash

It's pretty apparent that Miguel has a good eye for composition. He clearly understands the Rule of 3s, allowing the neatly stacked Dunkin bag to take up a good third of the horizontal space. And whether by luck or design, Miguel has allowed the dappled light of sunrise through the tree leaves to enhance the dimensionality of the bag, casting a stark shadow against the wall that echoes the shape of the mailbox. Exquisite!

A random detail: The initials "WCM" appear to be spelt in the leaf shadows at the bottom. A mystery!

Overall grade: A-

Although Miguel didn't incorporate the theme of donuts in his photo, the overall effect is truly artistic and worthy of prominent wall space in the DoorDash Gallery in Washington, DC.

Some Movie Ideas Based on A Rite Aid Poster For Hand Warmers

Clearly out of ideas, Hollywood's major studios have resorted to a bidding war over who gets to release a feature film based on a display poster for hand warmers at a Rite Aid in New York. Here are their pitches:

20th Century Fox: "Beat The Cold" starring James Marsden, Amy Schumer, Sterling K. Brown and Emily Blunt. A giant yellow asshole appears in the sky, and it's up to four Christmas carolers to bring it down (or at least get it to shut closed).

Sony Pictures: "Warmers" starring Channing Tatum, Jack Black, Rachel McAdams and Giancarlo Esposito. A group of blackballed personal trainers decide to start their own "warm-up" camp and discover a whole new way to inspire a generation of losers. Also starring Josh Gad as the big gym's janitor turned snitch.

Walt Disney Studios: "HOTHANDS WARMERS" starring Jodie Foster, Kurt Russell and Mindy Kaling. A group of friends happen upon an ancient animated artifact that warms hands and hearts. Also starring Michael Stuhlbarg as the evil, meddling scientist.

Universal Pictures (in collaboration with Troublemaker Studios): "Calentadores" starring Selena Gomez, Antonio Banderas, Charlie Day and Michelle Rodriguez. This Hispanic-based story follows four football (aka soccer) fans in Venezuela who suddenly develop super warming powers after being exposed to some toxic waste from a nearby aluminum refinery. Directed by Robert Rodriguez.

Paramount Pictures: "The Cold" starring Viggo Mortensen, Jessica Alba, Sean Hayes, and Crystal Bernard. This survival story recounts the harrowing experience of four friends trapped inside an outdoor stadium after hours. They survive on leftover hot dogs, stale beer and love.

Warner Bros. Pictures: "Green Lantern 2" Completely unrelated to hand warmers, the cold, or four smiling people, Warner Bros. decides to launch a sequel/reboot of the failed Ryan Reynolds movie with even more CG effects, a darker, grittier tone and letting Zack Snyder do whatever the hell he wants. Set to release in 3 months.

Dive In

Spotted in the Tomahawk Lake Waterpark brochure: a list of waterslide names that are coincidentally  also the names of services offered by a gay massage parlor nearby.

Hallmark Christmas Movie Quiz

Here's a fun little game: try to match each Hallmark Channel "Countdown to Christmas" movie to their synopsis. It's harder than it looks!

1) "Charming Christmas" starring Julie Benz, David Sutcliffe and Bruce Gray

2) "Christmas Land" starring Nikki Deloach, Luke MacFarlane and Maureen McCormick

3) "Christmas Incorporated" starring Shenae Grimes-Beech, Steve Lund and Jane Moffat

4) "I Spit On Your Grave 3: Vengeance Is Mine" starring Jennifer Landon, Doug McKeon and Gabriel Hogan

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a) After inheriting a Christmas tree farm, a woman's plans to sell it change when she falls in love with the townspeople and meets a charming lawyer named Tucker.

b) After being brutally raped, Jennifer Hills changes her name to Angela, moves to New York, and joins a support group and hopes for a new life. But when her new friend's murderer goes free, Jennifer will do whatever she can for vengeance.

c) When a young businesswoman plays Mrs Claus at her family's department store over Christmas, her life begins to take some unexpected turns.

d) A man inherits a company that has a toy factory in a small town, but the town needs the factory to stay open. He has to decide to keep or close the factory, and finds the meaning of Christmas (and love) along the way.

Answers someday!