The ProofrEADJer, November Edition

As If Beauty Pageants Weren't Sad Enough

I came across this "Ms. Planet Beach International" pageant on TV the other day. And it was the regular tits-and-smile fare for a while, but then host Lorenzo Lamas (who I thought I was done making fun of) interviewed each contestant and asked them to hold up some cosmetic product and SELL it.


Each contestant pretended to be delighted to hold the bottle of whatever they'd been asked to peddle; quite a few said something like, "wow, I actually use this product!"

Watch this video to see glimpses of Lorenzo Lamas' soul dying:



And here's a way-too-long video that explains the "spokesmodel search" more in depth. I think it's no accident that the length of the video is 9:11.

Racist Appliances!

It's time to check in with the Racist Appliances and see what they've been up to:






Racist appliances!

Happy Thanksgiving From EADJ!

Since December 2006, EADJ has consistently -and without fail- posted an entry every weekday, including holidays. Today is no exception.

EADJ wishes you, yours, and yours' yourses a rejoiceful and thankful Thanksgiving holiday or whatever. It is now that EADJ would like to list a few things for which we are thankful:

• The Kinks
• Good times
• Wilona from "Good Times"
• The cleanliness of Montreal
• Family
• Joy buzzers
• Jello molds
• Short skirts
• Taking big dukes
• Todd Crisman
• Styrofoam (also known as polystyrene in the UK)
• Freestyle snowboarding
• Having never been uppercut
• Cymbals
• Samosas
• Fake fur
• The buddy system
• XBox Live
• Scalawags
• Having never been asked to propose a toast
• Pussy
• "Delta Dawn" by Tanya Tucker
• Classy seafood restaurants
• The fact that the wife doesn't like decorating with sand dollars
• The fact that there are other channels when SNL is on
• Nougat
• The Iowa Highway Patrol
• Lip balm
• J.J. Abrams
• Titty bars
• Not having heard marijuana being referred to as "ganja" in a long time
• Skin moisturizer
• Car bingo

Joel's Terrible Predictions, 2009

Some of you may not know that Joel is an amateur prognosticator. Joel has studied extensively under his holiness Swami Yaro for the past four years and this week has been certified by the California Board of Prediction and Guessing. The ceremony was a quiet affair held at the Gurnee Mills Mall in Milwaukee, WI with such attendees as pet psychic Bree Cotton, massage therapist Sanja Washburn and Rupaul.


As part of his certification, Swami Yaro has asked Joel to announce his predictions for the upcoming year through March 24, 2010. Here is a list of Joel's predictions:

• Later this year, scientists will find out where all the missing bumblebees have gone- to 146 Oak Street, Andover, Ohio.

• Actor Timothy Hutton will suffer a setback when he forgets his keys in either a Subway deli or a hooker's vagina.

• Filmmaker Jim Jarmusch, although widely known to favor black shirts, will decide to wear a dark red shirt in November.

• It will rain fetuses somewhere in the continental United States. Maybe Canada.

• The Old Bridge Deli will close due to nonpayment of taxes (1:1 shot)

• Joel's chimp servant Chad Yarborough will NOT do the dishes the entire month of April (prove me wrong, Chad!!!!!!!)

• All Circuit City stores will mysteriously close their doors for some unknown reason. Nobody will ever find out why.

• CNN host Nancy Grace will go missing. Nobody will be there to obsess over the sordid details.

• Dragonforce drummer Dave Mackintosh will continue to rock as hard as he ever has. You can put money in the bank on that prediction, baby cheeks.

• Pain will continue to hurt.

• Shaquille O' Neal will kill and eat the Michelin Man. CONFIRMED!

• 21 Red. C'mon, 21 Red.

• Joel's gym will wonder what happened to that hair dryer that was bolted down in the men's locker room. But they will not ask Joel.

A QUIET MOMENT FOR REFLECTION!!!!!!!

"Expect nothing and accept everything and you will never be disappointed."

-Lawrence Overmire


The day is almost upon us. It's almost tangible. Just within reach of triumph. Or disappointment. Like, what if Jerald doesn't show? What if all our hopes and dreams are shattered in the last-minute cancellation? What if Loreley gets condemned by the Health Department the day before? So much potential for disaster.

But we mustn't let the endless possibilities for disappointment overshadow our hope, our singleminded, shining desire for happiness. Who knows what comes in the morrow? It is not for us to ask. It is only in our power to accept whatever does befall us and turn that into joy. That, my friends, is a bunch of bullshit I made up on the spot.

JERALD HERE WE COME!!!!!!!!HUZZAH!!!!!!