An Open Letter To Pierce The Veil

Dear Pierce The Veil,

Wassup guys. How's it going. Oh, I'm good- thanks for asking. Hey, listen. I got the Rockabilia.com catalog in the mail the other day, with youse guys on the cover. Vic, Mike, Jaime and Tony, you guys all look great. Glad to see that everyone is doing well.

So I looked on the other side of the cover, and I was honestly astounded at how many different logos and type treatments for your band there are out there. I couldn't even spot two of the same design anywhere on the page! 

Look, guys. Wikipedia says you formed back in 2006. Eight years is long enough time to settle on a logo. ONE LOGO. The Beatles, AC/DC, Zeppelin, Nirvana. All of them had the occasional offshoot, but they stuck with a "flagship" logo that worked and built serious equity. You guys need to stop fucking around and land on something here. Seriously. I am not tattooing all 13 of these brainstormed ideas on my back. Get back to me ASAP.

Not really a fan and just doing this for this bit,

David

A List Of Activities You Can Do With Certified Therapy Dog Rhett And How Much It Would Cost

I spotted this sign in Manhattan last week, advertising the rental out an unknown breed of dog named Rhett (is that an Airedale?). For a buck a minute, Rhett's pimps are willing to let you take Rhett (could be a Scottish Deerhound?) out and do whatever, provided it's for your therapy. He's "always looking for new friends," so what are you waiting for? Here now is a list of suggested activities you can do with Rhett (he's an Irish Wolfhound, isn't he?) and how much it will cost:

• Take Rhett from 25th Street to Central Park for a nice walk and a poop: $82

• Watch the entire "Lord Of The Rings" Trilogy, extended edition with Rhett: $682

• Bowl an entire game by yourself while Rhett sniffs his balls: $14

• Have sex with release while Rhett watches from another room: $3

• Fly with Rhett to Tel Aviv, Israel from JFK and back: $1200 (not including airfare)

• Drive Rhett around while cranking Iron Maiden's third studio album, "The Number of The Beast:" $41

• Encourage Rhett to go with you to your Zumba class, even though he doesn't seem to express any interest: $60

• Hassle Rhett about his 'Certified Dog' credentials: $7

• Cook an entire timpano, complete with meatballs, salami and filling and with homemade crust, while Rhett nervously licks his hungry dog lips: $80

• Take Rhett to watch the Houston Astros totally suck dick for a full nine innings: $180

• Give away the twist to "Looper" to Rhett: $1

• Read "The Brothers Karamazov" to Rhett in a pidgin accent while he licks his balls again: $86,400

• Read this blog entry to him and see if he "gets" it: $4


You can literally rent Rhett here.