UAG

Some Thoughts By The Artist Whose Artwork Is Currently Hanging in The Starbucks Inside The Target Store In Bridgewater, NJ

• I can't believe they hung pendant lamps in front of "Discussion No. 5" and "Connexion," two of the most important pieces in the series.

• Target's "curator," if they can even call her that, failed to mention that everything from the walls to the shopping carts to the countertops would be bright red. That completely turns my work from eyecatching to wallpaper!

• I really should have cropped the penis out of "Expansion No. 3," although most people would probably see it as a goofy bottle. LOL

• Should have used more puce overall.

• I wonder if it's awkward for art critics when they have to study my work standing over shoppers drinking their moccachino lattes.

• That check from Target cleared, right?

• Wait. Is this gallery area so remote from foot traffic that only employees on break use it to text their friends?! Noo.

Unfortunate Logo

A logo for Activia Yogurt that resembles a pelvis with a dong. So it's sort of appropriate that Jamie Lee Curtis is the spokesperson.

Album Cover Quiz

Alanis Morissette is:

a) seated with her own knees tucked above her head
b) sitting on the ground, trying to look up another woman's skirt
c) about to peer into a very skinny man's ass