Twitter's Least Used Hashtags, Week of September 25

Twitter is what happens when you give a million attention whores a megaphone. But even they have standards when it comes to hashtags. The following are hashtags considered so dumb, awful or vapid that even the least discriminating tweeters would refuse to use these:

#smurftraitor

#pissingoregano

#monistat7drones

#Breitbartretractions

#beigeLamborghini

#steaksaucelollipops

#TeddyRuxpinweedstash

#ElvisPresleybrandtoilets

#pissandvinegarandFresca

Christmas Is a Time For Asking For Favors

My church sent me some mail the other week, and in it were 5 raffle tickets and letter asking me to sell them for $20 a pop.



My first thought was, Will they charge me $100 if I just chuck this away? They just stuck me with these tickets, and I have to figure out a way to unload these unsold tickets back to them; I just want to slip them in their mail slot. Now, it's a very nice church and all, but to send this chore to me and passive aggressively suggest I play bookie for their gambling racket is a bit forward. It's like an aunt writing you a letter "reminding" you that you promised to make a backdrop for her nativity scene, even though you HAVE NO RECOLLECTION of promising that.


MAN, I am cranky.

Now Boarding: The Celebrity Deportation Bus!

Everybody hurry!

The bus is leaving in five– no four minutes! There's no time to waste!

Hurry, Lindsay Lohan and Sam Ronson, there's a seat for both of you in the back! Kim Kardashian, I know it's awkward for you to sit so close to Ray Jay, but it's not a long trip. And please, make room for Katy Perry and P!nk, they're sitting across from you.

No, don't bother putting Tinkerbell in her carrying bag, Paris Hilton! Just take Nikki's hand and get on board. Speaking of sisters, nice to see you Jessica and Ashlee Simpson. And I see you've brought your new husband Pete Wentz. Hurry, you three!

Okay, keep loading up, we're on a schedule. Climb aboard, Bai Ling, Amy Winehouse, Brooke & Nick Hogan, Kimberly Stewart, Kelly & Jack Osbourne, Tila Tequila, the cast of Rock of Love, Flavor of Love, Real Chance at Love, and I Love New York, Shauna Sand, Britney Spears, Jamie Lynn Spears, Aubrey O' Day, The Pussycat Dolls, "Speidi," Hayden Panitierre, Rihanna and Chris Brown (behave, you two!), David Spade, Denise Richards, Pete Doherty, Nicole Richie, Tara Reid, the Olsen twins, Kendra Wilkinson, Howard K. Stern, Adnan Ghalib, Sam Lufti, and oh, we mustn't forget you, Brandon Davis! Heck, you're driving this thing!

And away we go!