Scheduled Appearances For VidCon 2023

VidCon is the latest gathering of content creators, influencers, and. useless dipshits social media stars, all in one place. Here are the latest digital luminaries to catch at this exciting new convention:

• Live daily podcasts from Gaff and the Nook from the second stall in the men's bathroom

• Make up blogger Thomas the Swank Injun will do touch-ups on a dozen faces in only 8 minutes

• Live music from Miranda Sings

• Prank Boyz and the Hidden Camera Gotcha Cru will battle to the death, to everyone's delight

• Jojo Siwa will drive past the building for $50,000

• Mommy blogger Carmen Disaratada will whoop your kid's ass live for likes

• Instagram comedian Disfigurement will take questions

• IG filter expert Shanna V will show everyone her real face for 3 seconds

• Get food poisoning by a variety of TikTok chefs

• Manosphere events will take place in a van in the parking deck

• Controversial puppeteer WHOGIVESASHIT will headline both Friday and Saturday

All The Content Creators and Influencers You Can Expect at VidCon '23

VidCon is becoming the world's foremost gathering of streamers and TikTok stars. Here's who to expect at the next convention:

• Baisley- the self-styled Instagram prankster and comedian who's been punched in the face only 4 times so far

• Samantha Risles- this 12 year old streamer simultaneously overshares and whines about wanting to be left alone

• Danny Masterson

• Tha B*XBOY Gang- based in Who Cares, Ohio, this untalented group of four brothers talk too loud and are all saying the same thing: We should've never been born.

• Victor Kush– considered YouTube's "uptight Ben Shapiro", this conservative firebrand is famous for his outrage culture war videos and macrame tutorials

• Just Horse Just– possibly an avant garde performance troupe. Possibly a group of morons in unitards playing with each other's dicks. 🤷

Reason #345,198,874,870 Why Social Media Is Dumb

GREEN BOWLS, YOU SAY? HOLY FUCKING SHIT!!!! CALL 911 AND ALERT THE TOWN CRYER!!!!!

Missed Connections: Dog Park Edition

The following Missed Connections were posted by dogs that visited the Bucks County Core Creek Dog Park in Langhorne, PA:

You: short haired Golden Retriever smelling a fence post

Me: that cute mixed Papillon with the green collar

I thought we had a moment when our eyes connected over by the communal water bowl. You seemed interested in me even though I was sniffing someone else and you were being sniffed by someone else. Write back if you want to take this to the next level!

You: the weird cross-eyed pug

Me: I'm not sure what breed I am, but I think I'm a Malamut?

You were very loud and aggressive with the other dogs, but I could tell you were actually a sensitive soul by the gentle way you humped the others. I come by on Tuesdays!

You: the gray Yorkshire with the overbearing owner

Me: a lost cat

My heart went out to you when I saw your owner call you back every time you came close to another dog. She must be afraid they all might bite you! I however, was in serious mortal danger from being mauled by every dog that saw me, including you. Why am I even messaging you? I'M OUTTA HERE!