The Best Compliments You Can Expect From Your Family When You Serve Them a Really Badly Done Version of a Pan-Roasted Pear Salad Recipe

"You can really taste the pan."

"Oh, what a lovely inedible centerpiece!"

"Wow, did you core the pears AND crumble the blue cheese yourself?"

"I finished it and I'm not nauseous."

"Hey, a nickel!"

"I thought eating salad was supposed to be good for you."

"You burned the pears. I'm kidding. You ruined all of it!"

"Hello, Domino's?"

The EADJ Facebook Defriender

 

It's time once again to prune the tree of friendship. Not something we particularly enjoy, but once in a while a Facebook friend becomes so unbearable that it's time to cut 'em loose. This one is L________ from R_____, __ who has regularly flooded my news feed with odd phrases which I soon learned were overwrought lyrics from his favorite songs. Lyrics. Like he's drunk and singing outside my living room window. "Hey, you remember Bob Seger, right? Working on our NIGHT MOVES..."

And sure, everyone is entitled to post their favorite lyric or whatever, but not THE ENTIRE SONG, LINE BY LINE IN SEPARATE POSTS.

And you know he didn't type all that out- ⌘C, ⌘V

I've blurred out his name and replaced his profile pic to protect L______'s identity:

 

 

And I don't have anything against Dave Matthews or Peter Frampton, mind you.

 

So I just picture L______ chilling at home on the sofa with his tunes cranking, and he's on his laptop, typing everything he hears. "Ahh, a nice, relaxing evening of transcribing Dave Matthews, polluting the newsfeed of everyone I know."

 

He'll never love you, the way that I love you 'Cause if he did, no no, he wouldn't make you cry He might be thrillin' baby but a-my love (My love, my love)  So dog-gone willin', so kiss him (I wanna see you kiss him, wanna see you kiss him) Go on and kiss him goodbye, now 


(chorus)
Na na na na  Na na na na  Hey hey hey  Goodbye
Na na na na  Na na na na  Hey hey hey  Goodbye 

(fade out)

Two Fashion Write-Ups In A Week?! You're Too Generous, EADJ.

"Who am I? I'm Batman's cousin Stephanie. I live in Hartford, Connecticut."

Yeah, that's right. I'm taking a photo of your big ass at Ihop. Your big ass overflowing them big jeans like whipped cream over an overfilled mocha shake. That's right. What are you gonna do? Click.

"Captain's log. Stardate 310624.3248140559. As I was examining the integrity of the scaffold-like structures of 43rd Street in Manhattan, I could sense someone following me with a cell phone camera, ready to snap a photo and criticize my Next Generation-like ensemble. I'll bide my time and hit him with a rock around the next corner, like I did the Gorn..."

Commuter math:

Unprepared + downpour + supporting local business + ingenuity = shopping bag hat.

Shopping bag hat, y'all.

Inspiration can come from anywhere. So when designing a layout, it's okay to get as reference whatever is stuck in the bun of your hair.