What The "Plus" Means in Store Names

Health Plus

"Plus" = a chicken salad sandwich with tuberculosis

Park Plus

"Plus"= Newark vagrants urinating on your passenger door

Value Plu$

"Plu$" = Ke$ha and Too $hort's home numbers

Top Shelf Plus Gift Shop

"Plus" = cologne that reeks like Nicki Minaj's taint

Backhand

Pictured below, it's good to see that Lucky, through all the years, has kept his pimp hand strong.

Happy Jerald Lunch Eve!

"From the death of each day's hope another hope sprung up to live to-morrow."
-Charles Dickens

Weeks have come down to days. And now, days to hours. Anticipation has crescendoed into a palpable, feverish buzz. WE ARE MEETING JERALD TOMORROW.

July 19, 2008 will be an historic date for Eat A Dick Joel. That's why we have decided to declare July 19 National Jerald Prevalence Day. Observance of this day will begin next year with the following itinerary:

8:00am General Welcome and releasing of the doves
8:30am The Popping o' the Collar
9:00-9:15am Mid-morning snack
9:15-10:00am Breaking up into discussion groups and "buddies"
10:00-11:00am Stretching and Calisthenics
11:30-12:00pm Pre-lunch snacks
12:00-2:00pm Lunch
2:00-2:30pm Mopping Lessons
2:30-3:00pm Talent Show
3:00-5:30pm Orgy
5:30-6:30pm Mid-afternoon snack
6:30-6:45pm Lecture: Popular Patio Floor Materials and Their Maintenance
6:45-7:00pm Dinner
7:00-10:00pm Awards Ceremony and Certification / Hoe Down

So You Think You Can Dance

(pictured above, John Carstens teaches a couple of pussies how it's really done)