20 More Things That Are Cuter Than Ariana Grande

In an earlier segment back in 2014, we told you how Ariana Grande presents herself as the most adorable doe-eyed singing, blushing baby cat on the planet, but over a year has passed, and it's time to add to the list. (Do keep in mind that as Ariana gets older, this list will grow really fast.)

Here's the latest list of stuff cuter than Ariana Grande, much to her adorable dismay:

1. lobsters with booties on their feet

2. midgets dressed like Frankenstein

3. happy ducklings with little top hats on

4. Bing trying to convince you that it's a successful search engine

5. the way Anthony Hopkins says "cunt"

6. a cartoon whistle

7. a cat trying to eat a taco

8. those little chimneys that stick out of port-a-johns

9. twins sneezing

10. that old flying toaster screensaver

11. blooper reels

12. old men wearing rugby shirts

13. mice getting married

14. Godzooky

15. cake toppers

16. Taylor Swift (oooh burn!)

17. yogurt bites

18. college-age testicles

19. Welsh corgis

20. Manowar's second album Into Glory Ride (1983)

THE TRIUMPHANT MOTHERFUCKING RETURN OF TASK CHAIR

LOOK ALIVE, PUSSIES

YOU BETTER COME CORRECT AND GROW A PAIR, BECAUSE TASK CHAIR WILL SPANK YOUR BABY-POWDERED ASSES SOON

WITH A BLACK AIRMESH FABRIC FOR YOUR OVERSENSITIVE ASS

AND PNEUMATIC SEAT HEIGHT ADJUSTMENT FOR YOUR FASTIDIOUS, PICKY ASS

DURABLE FIVE-STAR BASE WITH DUAL WHEEL CASTERS FOR YOUR FAT ASS

BUT WATCH OUT, FATTY. THE WEIGHT LIMIT HERE IS 150 LBS. SO EITHER PUT DOWN THE CHALUPA OR FUCKING KEEP STANDING, MARTHA DUMPTRUCK. TASK CHAIR IS NOT "LABORS OF HERCULES" CHAIR. THAT WAS A LITERARY REFERENCE FOR YOUR DUMB ASS. WHY ARE YOU SUCH A PUSSY? 

TASK CHAIR DOESN'T HAVE TIME FOR THIS SHIT. IT ARRIVES AT YOUR HOME OFFICE ON WEDNESDAY. SO TAKE YOUR FIST OUT OF YOUR UNCLE'S ASS AND MAKE SOME FUCKING SPACE FOR IT. TASK CHAIR OUT.

The Public Library

The children's section at the public library has a section inviting kids to throw together whatever craft project they were working on into a tray to be posted prominently on the walls.

So naturally, I couldn't resist. But I did stop short of drawing an actual dick. Come on, people.

Stay tuned as to whether this masterpiece finds its way onto the public library wall. If it does, that's totally going to be the EADJ masthead for two months.

Halloween Goatse!

Found in the Toucan Cleric's Fun Media Library:

Brad is up to something.

What...I don't know.