Here Are Your Timesheets For The Week of Whatever Date This Is

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Hi all!

Sorry for the email gibberish. I don't know how to remove it! This is Grace from reception, and Mr. Peterman has charged me with reminding everyone that timesheets are due by the end of this week! He says this is very important for each and every one of you to do to keep billing up to speed, and I'm sure all of you can do it! So if you need a job code for doing your timesheet today or tomorrow, just look for it on the following list, and THANK YOU!!!!!!!!

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328573: Thinking up a nice, folksy analogy

572599: Arguing feebly how saying "All Lives Manner" isn't racist

238151: Relearning that Soulja Boy dance

992856: Sucking up to Ernie Hudson

611053: Rubbing one out in the supply closet

035125: Cleaning up the supply closet

247255: Making you my bitch

725595: Restructuring polling districts to favor your candidate

383833: Explaining to a novice rapper that "burying the beef" isn't a sexual thing

605112: Sucking the clear gelatin from a can of Vienna sausages through a straw

931753: Googling cheat codes for 2048

THE TRIUMPHANT MOTHERFUCKING RETURN OF TASK CHAIR

LOOK ALIVE, PUSSIES

YOU BETTER COME CORRECT AND GROW A PAIR, BECAUSE TASK CHAIR WILL SPANK YOUR BABY-POWDERED ASSES SOON

WITH A BLACK AIRMESH FABRIC FOR YOUR OVERSENSITIVE ASS

AND PNEUMATIC SEAT HEIGHT ADJUSTMENT FOR YOUR FASTIDIOUS, PICKY ASS

DURABLE FIVE-STAR BASE WITH DUAL WHEEL CASTERS FOR YOUR FAT ASS

BUT WATCH OUT, FATTY. THE WEIGHT LIMIT HERE IS 150 LBS. SO EITHER PUT DOWN THE CHALUPA OR FUCKING KEEP STANDING, MARTHA DUMPTRUCK. TASK CHAIR IS NOT "LABORS OF HERCULES" CHAIR. THAT WAS A LITERARY REFERENCE FOR YOUR DUMB ASS. WHY ARE YOU SUCH A PUSSY? 

TASK CHAIR DOESN'T HAVE TIME FOR THIS SHIT. IT ARRIVES AT YOUR HOME OFFICE ON WEDNESDAY. SO TAKE YOUR FIST OUT OF YOUR UNCLE'S ASS AND MAKE SOME FUCKING SPACE FOR IT. TASK CHAIR OUT.

Coming Soon To The EADJ Crappinema: Bickford Shmeckler's Cool Ideas

Hot on the heels of "Ten Inch Hero" is another ensemble comedy featuring a bunch of supporting cast celebrities trying to support each other into a full feature film. A movie "lean-to," if you will.


But whereas "Ten Inch Hero" was earnestly going for your heartstrings, this movie seems to be aiming at both your head and your crotch.


This apparent "Real Genius" homage (or is it a "Big Bang Theory" homage?) contains a likable genius, a lickable sorority girl, and a campus full of wacky characters who smoke pot and know how to party!


"Award-winning?" They won a Mobius Award, too?