And Lo And Behold: Racist Appliances!

Some Thoughts On Seeing The Ad for 10,000 Maniacs Playing at the SOPAC

• That's not Natalie Merchant

• Yeah,  I'm pretty sure that's not Natalie Merchant

• Not that I care that much, but where is Natalie Merchant?

• Maybe her bandmates found her just as boring and bland as I do?

• Who is this new woman? And why did it have to be a woman?

• Why didn't they just hire a Filipino dude like Journey did?

• That's not Edie Brickell, is it?

• I'm no historian, but I'm pretty sure they didn't create the Alternative Rock format. Pixies did.

• Does this new vocalist sound like Natalie Merchant, pronouncing all her vowels as As?

• If Natalie Merchant put on glasses, would she resemble Janeane Garofalo?

• What's on TV on Sunday, March 26 at 7:30pm?

Shorter. Fatter. Resembles Scott Peterson.

EADJ has learned that Josh Witherspoon spotted The Shorter Fatter Version of Scott Peterson over three weeks ago but neglected to report it. That pretty much amounts to a felony in Illinois.

Josh described being actually "shocked" to see the SFVOSP in the elevator, likening the experience to spotting a celebrity.

Josh's experience adds some stunning new information about the SFVOSP: He apparently is named "Mr. Wood," and he works on the 19th floor, not the 23rd floor as reported before.

Josh's name has now been added to the list of people at the bottom of this page who have spotted The Shorter Fatter Version of Scott Peterson.

(pictured above, Josh's drawing of the SFVOSP, which will be on my refrigerator very soon)


***SFVOSP UDATE***

Andrew Gall also spotted Mister Wood two days ago. Here is his account:

"Fleeting moment with the SFVOSP as he exited the elevator. He was dressed up today, wearing a pink shirt and tie with tan pants. Looked both festive and professional."

EADJ regrets not posting this sooner and now wishes it weren't a felony.