J'Net's tumultuous on-and-off relationship with Blockbuster was rekindled Friday evening when she decided to rent a movie for a lack of anything better to do. It was rainy outside and there were no new theatre releases that J'Net really wanted to see outside of "The Hills Have Eyes 2." So what the hey, Blockbuster, right.
The memory of her past experience with the Kinko's-like chain-ness and cocksuckery of Blockbuster had faded for some reason, and with a vague sense of optimism she entered the store. Awaiting her, a bright blue and yellow pigfuck.
Right off the bat, the unisex bathroom was locked, so choosing a movie already meant dealing with a full bladder. Hassle!
The New Releases walls were already bare at 9pm. The only offerings left were "American Pie 4: The Date-Rape Games" and a redundant Truman Capote movie starring Sandra Bullock as the Catherine Keener character.
After scouring the shelves for something half watchable, she found "A Guide To Recognizing Your Saints." Hassle over, right? Wrong. What awaited her was this monstrosity of a sign:
"Busy busy busy. Where the hell are you supposed to look?" she muttered to the Puerto Rican teenager on the phone in front of her in line.
And what did catch J'Net's eye didn't make any sense. A banner that announced "It's Easy. Try it FREE" explained in 43 steps how to check out a movie online via Blockbuster Total Access. "Let me get this straight. You go online, then get the movie, then you mail it back, then you go to the store,
THEN you enjoy it? What. The. Fuck." You can only imagine how livid J'Net was. Hell, I saw it. The last time she was this outraged was when the waitress at the diner refilled her coffee cup only twice in 45 minutes.
