Assessing The New Jersey Wings Celebrity-Named Combos

In Union, NJ, there's a joint that is gleefully using celebrity's names without their permission to sell their deep-fried foodstuffs. Before someone sends them a cease & desist letter, here are our thoughts about the appropriateness and relevance of these famous New Jerseyans' names to their assigned "combo."

Christie Combo

Relevance: 8 out of 10. Four pieces of fried chicken seem like a lot for a meal, but probably not enough for the obese former governor. 

Serving Suggestion: Eat it alone on a closed beach.

The Springsteen

Relevance: 6 out of 10. A burger is pretty all-American. But only 1 side?! Bruce rolls deep with a lot of sides, brother.

Serving Suggestion: On the NJ Turnpike going 70.

The Streep

Relevance: 8 out of 10. Meryl Streep's ability to morph into any personality goes surprisingly well with the concept of a wrap.

Serving Suggestion: In Africa

The Bon Jovi and the Sinatra Combos

Relevance: 3 out of 10. Not sure how Bon Jovi relates to buffalo wings, and I sure as hell wouldn't refer to Sinatra as "boneless." These two are huge disconnects.

Serving Suggestion: On a steel horse/in New York, New York

The Jeter Combo

Relevance: 2 out of 10. With a career batting average of .310, 3465 hits, 260 home runs, and 1311 RBIs, I think Derek Jeter deserves better than "chicken fingers."

Serving Suggestion: Eating off of Minka Kelly's ass.

Let's Pull Our Collective Heads Out of the EADJ Mail Sack!

This photo was submitted by Andrew Gall via text:

To read more about Myron Noodleman, Prince of Baseball, in this blog, click here.

And this completely unsurprising text message from Mig Ponce:

Is There Any Respite From The Unrelenting Lobsterness That Is Lobsterfest® At Red Lobster?!

We're nearing the end of Week 683 of Lobsterfest® at Red Lobster, but that doesn't mean that there aren't still new fantastic ways to enjoy delicious morsels of lobster at your local Red Lobster! Check out these latest feasting suggestions:

• A woman named Consuela sits next to you in your booth, staring at you like she knows you. Before you know it, she's starting eating your lobster. You get kind of upset, knowing you're paying upwards of $14 for this food, and you shout, "CONSUELA!" in the middle of the restaurant. The other patrons then stare at you and Consuela and assume that you hit her. Why do you hit her? That's a terrific new way to enjoy lobster at Lobsterfest® at Red Lobster!

• For special family dining experiences, we've created an entire full day of Lobsterfest-based activities! It all starts in the morning, when you’re encouraged to bring your kids—and your yoga mat—to participating Red Lobster locations, where you’ll be then instructed in a series of lobster-themed yoga poses (be sure to bring towels, as we typically use a rolled up towel to represent a lobster tail!) This is followed by a light lunch of buttered rolls, and we crank up the heat just a little bit, allowing patrons to enjoy the feeling of being lobsters themselves. As the day rolls on, dinner is served, everyone is sweaty, and the room smells of dillweed! In the end,everyone winds up exhausted, but it’s a very happy exhausted. Just another great way to enjoy Lobsterfest® at Red Lobster!

• Bisque shakes. That's a new, challenging way to enjoy lobster at Lobsterfest® at Red Lobster!

• As they enter, male and female diners are divided intoseparate groups. On even numbered days, the men strap plates of lobster to their backs and run around on all fours while the women chase after them with forks and get their fill (don’t worry, the forks are plastic, people!). On odd numbered days, things really heat up: the women are instructed to concoct their most creative lobster headdress. Each woman then proceeds to dance around the grouping of men. The men vote on the most creative design, and everyone gets treated to lobster from the head of a woman! Just another great way to enjoy Lobsterfest® at Red Lobster!

• In the interest of transparency and fun times, we set up a special “lobster viewing party” on the third Thursday of every month. Prospective meal eaters can watch a tank of lobsters play fun games like swimming and freeze tag, then choose their favorite lobster from the tank to join them at the table. Not to eat, silly! To befriend! The tables will be well-stocked with all kinds of entertainment activities like board games and portable DVD players. Limit 3 hours per lobster per family. Just another great way to enjoy Lobsterfest® at Red Lobster!

• During dinner, the waitstaff forms a circle, yells “toro,” and all of a sudden a bull appears in the middle of the restaurant. The first one to get gored loses. Just another great way to enjoy Lobsterfest® at Red Lobster!

(Special thanks to Andrew Gall for supplying most of these.)

Let's Slap Our Meat On the Outside of The EADJ Mail Sack Just To Show It What's What!

Submitted by John Reid, a text message that combines both LOLCats and nail polish. Possibly the pussiest mashup you can imagine.

Double-U Tee Eff.

So I realize that Chicago has always wanted to be New York City. But when it starts to have cabbies like this, you know they're starting to outright copy New York. Sad, really. New York should say something.

I actually asked him, "What are you wearing?" And his answer was "1617 South Michigan, right?"