Showing posts with label washerwomen. Show all posts
Showing posts with label washerwomen. Show all posts
Tuesday, June 23, 2015
Wednesday, May 21, 2014
EADJ Surprising Hostility: Duck Handled Umbrellas
You've seen 'em in stores. You've spotted them in terrible catalogs. You've even seen fat, un-marry-able women carrying them on overcast days. They're duck-handled umbrellas, and they're more annoying than they are charming.
"Nice weather for ducks" is the expression I imagine duck-handled umbrellas are referencing. And what an archaic, unfunny "Family Circus" expression it is. Why not make an "I Dunno" or a "Not Me" umbrella instead? Do you understand that reference? You suck.
No, let me change that. They're 80 times more annoying than they are charming. Meaning for whatever slight amusement they give one owner, they make 80 people want to kill them.
What's the attraction? "Hey, everybody, I've got a surprising, whimsical handle on my umbrella!" No, you're carrying around a perfectly functional umbrella that's been ruined by a lapse in good taste.
"Well, maybe they're for children," you might propose. No, if those umbrellas were really for children, they'd have Spider-Man handles and My Pretty Ponies printed all over the umbrella itself with an embedded playable Nintendo in the shaft. No, a real umbrella for kids would actually be fun, not a half-assed, hastily-painted carving of a duck's head. The people who own these types of umbrellas aren't allowed anywhere near children.
Even more detailed, more expensive versions of the duck-handled umbrella are tacky and unnecessary. All they do is make people question your judgement even more. Fuck duck-handled umbrellas with an angry, rain-soaked mallard penis.
Friday, August 30, 2013
Our Newest Segment: CSI: EADJ
Welcome to this blog's newest segment, CSI: EADJ, where we expertly piece together the story that clues lying around are trying to tell us using only our minimal crime solving training and limited imagination. All suspects are considered innocent until proven guilty... oh shit, wrong program.
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CASE 489562
Location: New York City
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CASE 489563
Location: New York City
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CASE 489564
Location: New York City
CASE 489565
Location: New York City
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