An Ad on Facebook

A reminder, bonsai trees are known to be small. Something to think about before showing up at the club in a pair of those. Also, Japanese men might try to approach you with tiny clippers out of habit.

An Imagined Conversation

"You unimaginative hack!"

"You backstabbing prick!"

"Whoa whoa whoa. Jared. Allison. What's going on here?"

"Hey Maxine. I'm glad your here. You can finally settle this."

"Settle what, Jared?"

"I just sent the new APPROVED ketchup label along with the specs to the printer, but Allison here suddenly has a problem with it now."

"You're damn right I do, and you tried to sneak it past me, you steamrolling prick!"

"Allison. We're all on the same brand team, here. Let's not use personal attacks. So what's the problem with the label, Allison?"

"Remember that design review last week when we recapped the typeface placement at the top?"

"Yes."

"Well, Maxine, look closely."

"..."

"Do you see it?"

"Wait. The hyphen is upside down now."

"Fucking THANK YOU."

"It's not upside down, Maxine. I saw it as an art mistake."

"But we approved it last week, Jared, you asshole."

"Yes it WAS approved. But I saw that it was a droplet that was mistakenly upside down and I corrected it before it went out."

"Why the fuck would there be a droplet in the place of an apostrophe, you dimwit?"

"Because it's a goddamned KETCHUP DROPLET on a goddamned KETCHUP BOTTLE, you cow!"

"Guys, guys guys. This is not constructive. We have to either let it go as is now or pull the entire label print run which will push us back two weeks. What's it gonna be?"

*conference door opens*

"Oh! I'm sorry to interrupt. I'm Seth, the new intern. I was just going to clean the room before the next meeting... oh hey, that's cool. A droplet as the apostrophe? Very cute detail! Okay, sorry to interrupt your brainstorm, guys. I'll come back later!"

Here Are Your Job Numbers For the Week of July 5-9

To: ALL

From: Garester@Hubleyofficesupply.co

Hello everyone. This is Gary Hubley of Hubley Office Supply. No, I'm not here to sell you on toner and cardstock LOL. Your CEO Jerry asked me to email you all on his behalf since he's playing golf in Augusta and wanted me to remind everyone that timesheets are due by the end of this week. So it would probably help if I gave you the actual job numbers LOL: 

33774: Defending "Steel Magnolias"

82112: Fan theorizing

45936: Drinking pickle juice

10118: Trying to remember the rules of backgammon

82381: Pulling a U-y on the freeway

58251: Crossing the I's and dotting the T's

13306: Doing the Stanky Leg