UAG

Don't Call It a Pathmark / I've Been Here For Years

UAG

Retail Loyalty Programs!

With the success of loyalty programs like California Pizza Kitchen's Pizza Dough and My Starbucks, lots of other chains are looking to keep customers coming back with their own custom programs. Join these new loyalty clubs:

Delta Airlines Masochists
Cheesecake Factory Fat Fucks
Petsmart Turdhandlers Elite
Whole Foods Insufferable Soccer Moms
Supercuts Nicked Ear Club
Hobby Lobby Homophobic Sewing Circle
Ticketmaster Enablers
Yankee Candle's La Cosa Nostril
Hooters Eligible Bachelor Pad
Restoration Hardware Pewter Addicts
Sephora Lyin' Bitches
Lids Douchebag Rewards

Jesus.

"You know, on second thought, yeah, we should just call it a hoverboard again."

Gray Pants Was Depressed.

Gray Pants was depressed.

Supermarket Kneepads wondered what was wrong.

Folding Step-Stool was terrified.

Gas Pump Nozzle Holder bit his upper lip.

Green Railing Bracket sucked a dick.

Princess Leia was shocked.

And this one submitted by Emily Kane: "Aunt's Guestroom Bedpost is about to get into some old timey boxing."

UAG

Let's Spray Pam All Over The EADJ Mail Sack!

Given to me by J'Net, some nice embossed cards for me to leave on other cars in parking lots around Jersey:


I even read them in her voice.