10 Things That InfoWars Have Blamed On The Deep State

1. When packaging tape gets stuck to the spool and you can't find the end

2. Restocking fees

3. Why Mike Epps isn't a bigger star

4. GarageBand crashing

5. The price of fireworks

6. CBS's "Zoey's Extraordinary Playlist" getting canceled

7. Unattractive barn jacket colors

8. The utter predictability of Hallmark movies

9. Bad pesto

10. The weird way motivational speaker Tony Robbin's voice sounds a lot like KRS-One's

Can you fit a PSP up your ass?

Joel says "partially." He was at Gamestop today looking into the new Grand Theft Auto IV game to ask the clerk if you can eat a dick in the game. The clerk didn't understand the question, so Joel ate his dick to demonstrate.

Somehow a line formed out the door, with Joel eating gamer dick for three hours. In his feeding frenzy, he backed into the rack holding the PSPs, partially inserting one of the popular portable gaming devices in his anus. That particular unit sells for 35¢ now, used.

(pictured above, Starburst Sucks)

Toss That Meat!

Okay.

This Second Life crap has to stop. Nobody cares about Second Life except geeks and people who like to play with digital dolls. We already have AIM, so why the fuck do you want to use a more convoluted, ugly, and non-intuitive way to chat online? And the fact that some dude has made some real money selling virtual real estate or the fact that some crap company has set up a virtual shop in Second Life is no longer news. Second Life fucking SUCKS. Except for the fact that a virtual Joel can eat virtual dick on it.

(Pictured above, Jessica uses her unique logic and reason to get dressed for the winter.)

ADDENDUM: This entry is not implying that Jessica goes on Second Life. It does imply that she has questionable judgment, however.