It looks like they're Run The Jewels fans.
Friday, July 30, 2021
Thursday, July 29, 2021
Meanwhile, Back at the Gaslight...
"Excuse me, miss?"
"Yes?"
"How much longer will our food take?"
"Only another five minutes."
"I'm sorry, but you said that ten minutes ago."
"No I didn't."
"Yes, we asked you about our food at 12:10 and you said..."
"Oh, so you're spying on me mow?"
"What?"
"You can't respect my privacy and are just watching me and keeping tabs on me and totally violating my rights to privacy. This is really low of you."
"I don't understand. I just wanted..."
"Oh you just WANTED. See, you're using that language again. WANT WANT WANT. It's always about you and what YOU want. You're so selfish."
"Huh? Are you serious?"
"Look. I've had a really bad day, and you're not helping by being so DEMANDING and PESTERING me constantly with all your NEEDINESS. I'm about at my breaking point and I swear to God, if you keep RIDING me about your food I'm going to... Oh. Here's your food now. Enjoy!"
Wednesday, July 28, 2021
InfoWars's Upcoming Conspiracy Stories
Alex Jones and InfoWars continue their assault on reality with a new slew of conspiracy stories designed to both outrage the gullible and make them feel smart. Here's what the head writers are working on for next week's tripe:
• Pan pizza is short for "Panama Pizza" which secretly funds the Democratic Revolutionary Party (PRD) in Panama.
• Dental X-rays don't exist. Dentists only make you bite down on those uncomfortable pieces of foam to PUNISH you for being a PATRIOT.
• Digital marketing agencies are working to send you subliminal web banners that tell you to watch liberal programs like "Blue's Clues" and "The Wild Thornberrys"
• Jane says hi
• The Deep State global elitists are secretly working double shifts at Bennigan's to make more money to afford an apartment with a laundry in the same building
Tuesday, July 27, 2021
Twitter's Least Popular Hashtags, Week of July 26, 2021
Twitter continues to suck. And many users also suck, using sucky hashtags to accompany their sucky tweets. Here are this week's least used hashtags:
#lickingbees
#taxauditenthusiast
#OliverPlatt'sManBoobs
#iamgulliblebeyondwords
#you'restandingonmypenis
#cursingupastormatChickFilA
#mybankingPINnumberis39644
#fantasizingaboutyourMomnoreally
Monday, July 26, 2021
Friday, July 23, 2021
More Memorable Lines From Movies I Haven't Watched
"Time to cash out." *shoots stupid gun*
(dialogue muffled because the low budget sound is so bad)
"What? I don't do that shit. If you wanted a nut log, you should've gone to a Stuckey's!"
"Hello! I'm a kid's entertainer, but at the same time I'm a contractor creating headaches for my client and running behind schedule and going over budget!"
"Your brain is raining again."
(sighs) "Sorry."
"C'mon, team! Let's hunker down and get the stuff and get this done TOGETHER!"
"What the sam fuck are you talking about, Keith?"
"The air conditioner is broken."
"Oh well. Let me drink this McFlurry and then lick your back with the M&M pieces."
Thursday, July 22, 2021
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