Ummmmm...

 Amazon advertises a felony machine:

Someone on FB sells a bunch of local misdemeanors:

Procedures and Treatments NOW Approved By Your Health Insurance!

Historically, the country's major healthcare insurance providers have been very restrictive of the types of treatments they'll pay for, from adult dental services to infertility treatments to long-term care for seniors.

But in a recent progressive move, the nation's major health insurance companies have all agreed to expand their coverage. Here is a short list of the medical services they will now pay for:

• Sprained wrist from writing checks to them

• the "vapors"

• offsite gynecological exams

• stumpism

• Kohl's Disease

• Affluenza

• Any leg or foot therapy from lobbying in Washington for any legislation to favor major healthcare providers

• The Alabama Shakes

• kink shame