An Imagined Conversation

Hey Maxie, put Bobby on. It's Todd. No, I can't wait. Put him on now.

(waits)

Bobby. Hey Bobby. It's Todd. You didn't unlock the freight entrance. No, you said you'd unlock it as soon as you were in, and I'm outside standing with a loop of tube like an asshole...No, I don't care what happened. Come around back and unlock the door so I can get in...What? A loop of tube. It's the tube for the ventilation install but rolled up in a loop. A LOOP of tube... No, come out now. I don't care if something came up... The what? Yeah, I don't care about that. We can take care of both of those later. I'm standing outside with this loop of tube looking like an asshole, so hurry up and come arou... Hah? What the heck does that mean? Look, I know we got a lot of job orders before Friday, and we got a whole list right after we install the... just come around and unlock the friggin' door, will ya, Bobby? Come on.

No, I ain't yellin' at you 'cause I'm mad at you. I'm yellin' because...

A LOOP of tube. It's a length of tube, like 50 feet, rolled in a loop. Wh.. why can't you hear me? Do you want to use the walkies? I'm like, thirty feet away from you, Bobby. A LOOP. Of TUBE.

What do you mean nobody says that? It's ventilation tubing, five inch, corrugated black plastic. And it's in a loop. I'm standing out here like an asshole holding a giant loop. Or hoop. Hoop sounds weird.

Are you gonna open the door, Bobby? I got some guy here now taking a photo of me with his cell phone, and I don't wanna end up on his blog like an asshole, standing here with a giant loop of tube.

Come on, Bobby, you're killing me.

Happy Halloween From EADJ!

"It's Halloween, everyone!" said Standpipe.


Boom Box On TV was SO PSYCHED!


Bike Lanes were glad.


And Frying Pan was so excited!


Building hated Halloween, so he just ignored it.


High Chair wasn't really into it, either. But whatever.


Neither Door Attachment nor Porch Board were ready for it this year.


Smokestack and Bridge got into the Halloween spirit and helped decorate. They put up...


...a Jack-O-Lantern and...


...two skeletons.


Corner was mildly encouraged by the turnout.


And the costume contest began:


Speaker came as a generic ghost.


Surround Sound Box dressed like a Minion from "Despicable Me."


Garbage Truck came as a catfish.


Rice Cooker had on a great gorilla costume.


Both Recycling Bins and Egg Carton showed up as Ninja Turtles.


18 Wheeler dressed as Frylock from "Aqua Teen Hunger Force."


Dashboard came as a convincing angry robot.


Ionic Breeze dressed like Ghost Face from the "Scream" movies.


Designer Chair dressed up as Mr. Mouth, but he kept getting "H.R. Pufnstuf."


60 Year Old Birthday Cake dressed as Cookie Monster.


Train Bathroom Door showed up as an angry Italian giving the finger, but nobody got it.


Escalator Partition dressed as John Goodman.


Dunkin Donuts Rug forgot to show up in costume and felt like an asshole.


Dog Dish showed up in a bad Skeletor costume.


But Stained Glass Window won the prize for their "Grinning Kermit" costume.


Purse went out for a smoke.


Bank Waiting Area was glad to meet so many new people.


Subway Tool Storage Box stood against the wall and kept to himself.


Oven said they didn't get enough candy.


But Water Cooler didn't get any candy.


And as always, Fountain drank too much and got sloppy.


Train Car Lock took too much ecstasy and had to lie down.


iPhone Case wondered who was going to pay for all of this.


Cardboard Box and Broken Hinge both got lost and missed the party entirely.


Cheap Ikea Chair just smiled and enjoyed another successful party.


Sun Roof Attachment was still scared and refused to come down.


Large Capacity Tub said, "Yay! Let's do this again next year!"

Editor's Note: Thanks to Andrew Gall and Emily Kane for their contributions to this.

Ab-stupidity

Pictured above, a sucker is born every Christmas.