How To Write a LinkedIn Endorsement For Someone You Don't Really Like

LinkedIn. You do it. We all do it. But what happens when a co-worker you're not to crazy about asks you to write an endorsement for them? Here's a handy guide to get them off your back without suspecting that you secretly hate them:

1) Just describe the job they did rather than how well or poorly they did them.

"Dan is definitely one of the senior management specialists I've worked with. He managed two teams and was in charge of the Fall 2013 marketing plan. Yep."

2) If you have to compliment something about that person, compliment where you both worked.

"Karla and I were lucky to work at an office that had the GREATEST break room countertops!"

3) Be vague enough in your endorsement to sound like an endorsement without actually having endorsed them at all. 

"Samantha's working style is like nothing I've seen. She is truly unique in her leadership approach, and the results speak for themselves."

4) Or simply change the subject in an endorsement.

"Is Jim qualified to lead a team of 20 people for an urgent project? I believe that the Arctic region may have its first completely ice-free summer by 2040 if greenhouse gasses continue to get pumped into the atmosphere at the current rate."

Words of Encouragement

Pictured below, some graffiti in a stall at a bar bathroom in Brooklyn:

Let's Destroy All of the EADJ Mail Sack's Fond Childhood Memories!

Submitted by Tom W: "Lame promotional wallpaper!"


And found in a local bookshop, the actual script template used by Spielberg and Lucas:

Snack on a Dong, Joel

Joel recently took an interest in the athletic phenomenon "Parkour" or "free running," when he saw some young toughs running around in a parking deck. After talking to them for fifteen minutes and eating their dicks for ten, Joel donned a track suit and hung out with them for the day.

"Parkour is an art that helps you overcome any obstacle," Joel wrote in his diary, "It's using the space around you to create beauty and movement. Also, those guys' dicks are DELICIOUS! <333333"


It was with this je ne sais quois and joie de vivre that Joel threw himself (literally!) into this new art. Shortly after attempting to jump from a handicapped rail to a regular stairwell rail, he broke a shoulderblade, both wrists, four ribs, his coccyx, one kneecap and bruised his jaw.

"Buh ah least I can stih eat dick!" he said from inside his body cast.

(pictured above, Phil & Maura's noble attempt to prevent people from walking through their Planner Ghetto to the bathrooms)