A Sneak Peek At This Year's CES Exhibits

The Consumer Electronics Show is slated for June 20 of this year in Denver, and both investors and electronics fans are gearing up to check out the newest gadget innovations. EADJ has acquired a list of the most anticipated exhibits:

• a combination Roomba/couples therapist

• a salad spinner gun that shoots cherry tomato "bullets"

• a device that only picks up radio signals and plays different "radio stations"

• a Coca-Cola jukebox that dispenses warm Pepsi whenever you request Three Doors Down

• a washer/dryer that does both badly and takes up twice the space of other units

• vape cigarettes that smell like Axe Body Spray-saturated balls

And Now, Vince's Uncle Roberto On How To Add A New Remote To The Nintendo Wii

1) Press and release the SYNC button just below the batteries on the Wii Remote; the Player LED on the front of the Wii Remote will blink.

2) While the lights are still blinking, quickly press and release the red SYNC button on the Wii console.

3) When the Player LED blinking stops and stays lit, the syncing is complete.

And speaking of staying lit, don't get drunk if you want me to take you to the airport. Security won't let you get through, and I'll be wasting my gas driving you back to the casino. Stay safe, kids.

2 Things

I got this random text from a wrong number. So I responded.

Coming Soon To The EADJ Crappinema: "The Casino Job"

What do you get when you have a budget of $45, a bunch of good looking women who make for a decent movie poster but can't act their way out of jury duty, and a DVD so scratched up from the cut-out bin that I'll probably watch it in 15 minutes?


"The Casino Job," written, produced and directed by Christopher Robin Hood. I AM NOT SHITTING YOU, SON:


I'm guessing "Christopher Robin Hood" is the new "Alan Smithee."

Rated R for terrible acting, nipples, and Art Institute-caliber sound mixing.

A Message Of Love and Peace From His Holiness, Swami Yaro

Hello, my friends.

We have crossed the threshold of change in this country, change that has sent waves of love and peace throughout all corners of the world. It is with much gladness that I bring you this joyful message of renewal:

Chill out. I mean, embrace your wholeness and its connection with the universe. I first said 'chill out' because it was the first thing that came to my mind, seeing how I was listening to some Rick Ross mixtape 10 minutes before writing this. Pretty bangin'. But what I meant to say was find your inner beauty and share it with the collective soul of the world.

No, not "collective soul." That sounds like that shitty band from the 90's. Shared soul? The shared soul we all share? Dammit, I'm kind of new at this, so you're gonna have to cut me some slack here. I keep digressing into mentioning musical acts (but do check out that new Rick Ross mixtape).

What I meant to say was, just do it. Or just let go. Try breathing. Is that what I'm trying to say? Hold on. Let me look at my notes...


Yeah, I'm back. What my message to you is, feel the burn. Image is nothing, taste is everything. Push it real good. Do it for the children. Vote or die. Tuna wrap with cheese, no onions. Eat my pussy.

No, that's the wrong page. My bad.

You know, let me just speak from the heart- we must come in contact with a higher intelligence in order for us to feel spiritually aware of ourselves and our brethren. By focusing in on a benevolent good within our souls, we can project that beauty throughout our lives and onto all other beings.


Oh, HELL NAW, Pewter Bear. You don't show up for months and months on this blog (thank God), but then you run all up on MY bit here? Naw, I ain't having this shit at all, son. People fucking hate you for a reason, and now I know why- you're a shitstain of a hanger-on suckup with no friends and nothing to say to nobody. FUCK, you're making me want to bust out my 9 and vent your sorry fucking ass.


You know, I hate you so much, I can't even talk to you right now. I'm just going to turn my back, and you can go away. And if I turn back around, and your miserable, whiny sorry excuse for a fucking self is still there, I'm gonna run up and cut you in the neck. I swear I will. I got the knife right here, bitch.

....


........


Okay, well, that's all for today. Check in later on for more of my teachings of peace and love. Until then, check out Rick Ross' new mixtape "Still Hustlin" out now. Shit is hot, y'all.

A sacred blessing to all of you, my friends.