Spotted In South Orange

An event space for people who want it catered by the Little Rascals: 

Two Obscure Movies I Haven't Seen That Are Probably About The Lead Actor's Cock

Movie: Crystal Inferno

Starring: Claire Forlani (Clerks) and Jamie Bamber (Battlestar Galactica)

What's Up With The Lead Actor's Cock: It's burning at the bottom. Probably from some sort of sexually transmitted disease like chlamydia or gonorrhea, but could also be a bacterial infection.

Next Steps: Claire should probably get tested for STDs. Jamie should visit a clinic and put some cream on it.

Movie: Flashburn

Starring: Sean Patrick Flanery (KAW!) and Cameron Richardson (huh?)

What's Up With The Lead Actor's Cock: It too is burning, but with a FLASH! Possibly from foreign bioluminescent material or a leaky glow stick.

Next Steps: Cameron should check her body for glowy parts and get tested for STDs ASAP TCBY. Sean should sit in a bath of warm molasses just to be safe.