Twitter's Least Used Hashtags: Shitty President Edition, Part II

Previous President Shitty Edition here.

Our President continues to be a myopic, unfocused bully at a time of great crisis. Here are a few hashtags that he would never use, so go ahead and use them yourself:

#leadership

#hellawaitsme

#iloveyouMelania

#thebuckstopshere

#takingthehighroad

#endHillarybashing

#curlingupwithagoodbook

#ishouldprobablystopgolfingsomuchandgettowork

#maybeweshoulddosomethingaboutapossiblepandemic

#ishouldprobablydosomethingtobenefitallAmericansinsteadofbeingadivisiveasshole

And Now For Something Completely Pathmark

When A Problem Comes Along, You Must Pathmark / Before the Cream Sets Out Too Long, You Must Pathmark

Somehow Another Off-Brand TP Roundup

We pored through our EADJ files and discovered that we have even more off-brand TP to review. Who knew we could pull another entry out of our ass and then drag its abrasive surface over our raw asshole?


Brand: Chalet Premium Quality 2-Ply Tissue
Label: Elegant script font over a ghosted photo of a majestic castle.
Feels Like: Wiping with hot, igneous rock.


Brand: M 1-Ply Recycled Bath Tissue
Label: Four pine trees in a giant "M"
Feels Like: "H"


Brand: Decor Cascades
Label: Blue lettering with an icon of a toilet paper roll. Brilliant.
Feels Like: Wiping with brand new roof shingles.


Brand: Blue Mist Facial Quality 1-Ply
Label: Raining clouds
Feels Like: Your mother-in-law screaming into your asshole.


Brand: Livi VPG
Label: Crazed flock of birds attacking a cursive "L"
Feels Like: Your anus is a hummingbird birdfeeder.


Brand: Regal 2-Ply Facial Quality Bathroom Tissue
Label: A green coat of arms featuring a lion rampant
Feels Like: A pine cone wipeant.


Brand: CAPRI PREMIUM 2 Ply
Label: Blue flower shower stickers on a wavy background.
Feels Like: Crushed up crab shells glued to an emory board.

Ew

(pictured above, Josh Witherspoon's grody prehensile pinky toe)