This Week In Hip Hop Awfulness

Yes, but where is the long form certificate, Boaz?!

I don't have much to say about this one except it better fucking rhyme.

"Drillary Clinton?" On blue lipsticks? Even if you had an explanation handy, I wouldn't want to hear it.

Look, someone took one of those faxes that old people used to send each other to hang on their office walls (like that frog choking the crane trying to eat him: "NEVER GIVE UP") and turned it into a mixtape cover.

I dunno. Any Teen Wolf loses cred with me the moment he starts drinking "purp."

"I am a beautiful flower and I do not give a fuck."

Xanax giving the middle finger. Jax Briggs and Raiden from Mortal Combat. Intoxicated cartoon stars. No change on this one. 10++

WHY TRY IF KANYE DOESN'T

One thing the Maryland DMV really hates- people who burn the popcorn in the break room microwave.

SkippA dA FlippA is tellin yA he's not good with his Rs.

That time we got bored and sat on miniature shit.

I hear that wooden plank spits some serious bars.

Either this guy is stuck in a Hype Williams video from the 90s or he's looking forward to "Rogue One: A Star Wars Story."

Joanne Versus the Claw, Part II

Here is the previous entry covering the ongoing conflict.

And Now, Pewter Bear With How To Host a Clambake

Whoa, whoa, whoa. No. We are not doing this.

We gave a 'how to' segment to Vince's Uncle Roberto, and then we gave one to "Ugly Andrew Gall." But we'll be pigfucked if we give a regular EADJ segment, 'how to' or otherwise, to goddamn weak-ass fucking Pewter Bear.

Fuck you, Pewter Bear. Nobody asked you to host a segment. Nobody even asked you to be born and breathe our air. Nobody invited you to exist and take up space. So why don't you just jump in a volcano or slit your own throat with some kind of special pewter-cutting knife? Man, hating you takes up so much GODDAMN ENERGY! I feel sleepy now. Zzzzzzzzzzz.

Indigo Curlz!

Drink more water!

That's what many health officials keep telling us. Drinking more gives us healthy skin, flushes toxins, improves joints and muscles, and keeps us energized and alert. Joel knows this, which is why he chugs 8 gallons of water every three hours along with the massive amount of dick he eats.

Joel's skin is so supple, so smooth, and so touchable now that you just want to caress it with the back of your hand, then slap the living shit out of it to see if it reddens. Believe me, it does!

Joel is virtually toxin free. Although whatever toxins other dudes eat do end up in Joel's system once he eats their dicks. But by then it's pretty watered down.

Joel's joints and muscles are healthy and strong. Just yesterday he cracked a pecan with his toe knuckles, then balanced a wedge of brie in his butt crack.

Energized and alert? Hell yeah, Joel is! He is bright-eyed and bushy-tailed at the crack of 6am every morning! Cock benedict, anyone! Huzzah!

(pictured above: a bad typeface, a dumb game, and possible cosplay all intersect in the perfect storm of awfulness)