Once Again, We Need To Find Time To Say Goodbye To All the Things Marketers Want Us To Say Goodbye To

Goodbye! Goodbye! Goodbye! Goodbye! Goodbye!

And Now, Vince's Uncle Roberto On How To Whistle Through Your Teeth

Extend your lower jaw a little. Whistling through your teeth may make you look funny, but you can get a really powerful sound.

Pull back the corners of your mouth a little. Do not expose your bottom teeth, but you may expose your upper teeth if you wish.

Make sure your bottom lip is taut against your lower teeth. If you need help creating this tautness, you can press your index and middle fingers on either side of the mouth (on the outside of the mouth only, not inside the mouth).

Draw back the tongue so that it's about the same level of the lower teeth. Notice that your tongue is broader and flatter, leaving a small space between it and your teeth.

Inhale deeply, then blow, forcing air between the space left between your tongue and your teeth. Experiment by adjusting your jaw, the tautness of your lips and the position of your tongue until you make a sound. The sound may not be loud to begin with, and may resemble a tire losing air, but take heart; a whistle is close.

Keep practicing until the sound becomes both louder and clearer. Eventually, it will become that shrill, through-the-teeth whistle you aim for.

And speaking of loud whistling, I'm so glad my fares are pre-scheduled instead of some random asshole whistling for me like I drive a cab. That gets annoying.

Dick To the Future

An unconfirmed source has leaked that Joel was unceremoniously dropped as spokesman for Glide Comfort Plus Dental Floss.

Representatives and lawyers from Crest Corporation held a conference at a Chili's Express in Audobon, New Jersey.

"Joel has been an exemplary figurehead for getting big chunks of meat from between his teeth," said attorney Myron Noodleman, "Glide Comfort Plus has been lucky to have his services for the last 8 months, but we feel that we're being pigeonholed as purely a dick floss due to the association with Joel."

Crest has opted to honor the contract with Joel and pay him the twelve crates of dick without him having to film any more commercials or make any more appearances at malls.

Joel has since started negotiations with a local toothpick company, Woodflickers.

(pictured above, through the magic of modern technology– and with a little help from MIS– Dean picks boogers from 700 miles away)