Orwellian.

Spotted at Walmart:

War is peace. Freedom is slavery. Ignorance is strength. Self checkout is investing in America's jobs.

25 Days of Hallmark Movies, Day 23: "Northern Lights of Christmas"

"Northern Lights of Christmas" is not a good or groundbreaking movie. It has all the same elements as countless others, but some reason this one managed to get me misty in parts. Maybe it's from having watched Hallmark movies 23 days in a row that my sarcasm has been disabled. Or maybe it's because of Hallmark heavy hitter Ashley Williams' acting chops. Either way, I started ovulating and weeping during this one, spilling Chunky Monkey all over my Pink sweatpants.

Romance Factor: 8 out of 10

Christmas Cheer: 9 out of 10

Overall Rating: 8.5 out of 10

Time Until First Kiss: 01:22:41

Twitter's Least Used Hash Tags, Week of August 29

Here is a cracker barrel-ful of unpopular, unused, underloved Twitter hash tags. Feel free to take pity on these sad fuckers and use in your tweets. Knock yourself silly.

#sexycloaca

#maurydignity

#affablefundamentalist

#corybookerismyfavoritecory

#coreyfeldmanmediaempire

#urinecocktail

#cantwaitfor2016election

#bicpeninrectum

#brandedentertainmentrocks

#hardyboysrapists

#ginghamstyle

#honeyboobooinspiration

#saladdressingonmymoles

#spanishcivilwar

#gregorianrap

#chewingthroughmygag