Say Goodbye To Some Shit!

 

Good-bye! Goodbye! So long! Goodbye! Goodbye!

New Year's Resolutions of the Info Wars Staff

The following are the New Year's resolutions that the staff of Info Wars have made for themselves for 2024:

• Drop at least 30 IQ points

• Exercise more by chasing wild geese in news stories

• Finally accept that the moon landing was faked by Hobbit ghosts instead of Pirate zombies

• Take the fake news more seriously

• Pay more attention to the racist voices in my head

• Dress more like Steve Bannon

• Get the Cybertruck tuned up

• Proofread that manifesto before making 10,000 to air drop over New York City

UAG

"I Must Not Fear. Fear is the Pathmarker."

Waseem Questions

I took a Lyft the other day and the driver apparently has a vanity plate. SWEET!

But this raised a few questions:

1) Assuming there's a "WASEEM1", is Waseem doing so well driving a Lyft that he now owns a SECOND car? Like he has a Waseem fleet in his driveway?

2) Or maybe he's not the only Waseem in the area and had to settle for "WASEEM2" because "WASEEM" was already taken?

3) Or maybe Waseem is such a solid guy that he chose "WASEEM2" just in case another Waseem in the area could snag a sweet "WASEEM1" vanity plate at the DMV?

4) Waseem to have run out of possibilities and don't really have a fourth question. WASEEM!

Memorable Dialogue From Movies I Haven't Watched - Mostly Smut Edition

"Wait a minute. Houses aren't alive to begin with, so none of them can die, right?"

"I'm so sex-starved, but you're forcing me to use my gun and body to satisfy you, since you own me! Jesus Christ, this doesn't make any sense..."

"Where do you want to go for lunch?"

"I dunno, where do you eat to go for lunch?"

"I may not be the most qualified private eye, but at least I've got... WHOOAAAAHH" *steps on rollerskate on top basement step*

"Oh no. Humanity is all zombies. We must pose and fight GO!"

"And when I saw that, I realized that selling was the greatest career a man could want. ’Cause what could be more satisfying than to be able to look up, at the age of eighty-four, twenty or thirty different cities, and pick up a phone, and be hated and shouted at and hung up on by many different people?"

"Are you 18 years old?"

"Barely!" *wink*

"Wait. Does that mean you are or you're not?"

"I'm barely!" *wink*

"I'm outta here."