Upcoming Exhibitors at the 2025 Consumer Electronics Show in Van Nuys, CA

Electronics manufacturers are flocking to the Van Nuys Convention Center next week to show off their newest consumer products. Attendees have been lining up since last week in anticipation of these groundbreaking reveals. Here are a few of the showstopping new releases that have most people excited:

• A wire-free soup warmer you can wear as a hat

• Staple removers that can give you an orgasm, even if it's usually difficult for you to achieve one

• A very jealous voice assistant that constantly accuses you of loving Tanya more

• Efficient washing machines that run on clean energy and a small cup of your newborn's blood plasma

• A new Android app that absolutely refuses to chop your dick off, no matter how likely it seems

• A laminating machine designed for the home office that won't stop talking about Slow Horses spoilers

• Subscription based kevlar jackets

Burning Questions For the Micro Maidens

I saw an ad for the Micro Maidens The Showcase burlesque show, featuring an ensemble of 8 dwarf exotic dancers. "The world's only Micro Female Revue – tiny in size, colossal in spectacle!"

Over each of the Micro Maiden's head is their height, I guess to prove that they're dwarfs and not just scrunched down or doing that Dorf thing.

But over one—no, over the tallest—maiden's head, they show she's 4'12". Now, I haven't been in middle school in decades, but isn't 4'12" the same as 5'00"?

I went on their official website to learn more about these Maidens, and there she is—Summer, in her towering glory!

I know some women make fun of men for not being tall enough, and I certainly don't want to be a man picking on Summer for being too tall in a show that promises dwarf dancers, but you can't just change how measurements work so that you can fit in. If you're going to do that, why not just list it as 3'24"?

That means I am 10'-50" tall. I like the sound of that!

When You're Out of Ideas, Just Reboot Something

New Jersey Can't Star Wars.

A post from the Maplewood, New Jersey Department of Community Services on May the fourth:

Just rolls of the tongue, right?

And here's a program for the Newark Performing Arts Center:

Wait, something looks off here...

That artwork is clearly Anakin and Obi Wan fighting on the lava planet Mustafar, which happened in Star Wars: Episode III: Revenge of the Sith, not Star Wars: Episode VI: Return of the Jedi.

C'mon New Jersey! Get it right.

I Don't Get It

If you buy groceries on Amazon, sometimes they come in nicely packed Amazon bags sitting in a row on your front porch, and sometimes...

#Raguinabox

Gee Thanks, Marvel

Oh, so Marvel is just using the likenesses of the Netflix actors for Kingpin and Daredevil now? Okay. 🤷

So You're NOT Going Biking?

You know what they say, wear a menopausal helmet, get menopausal helmet hair.