Alex Jones and his talented stable of batshit liars are preparing the next conspiracy theories that blame everything from high beef prices to bunions on "leftists" and "woke commie operatives". Here are the stories they plan to litter the airwaves with soon:
• Most daycare places are "woke indoctrination camps" for children, brainwashing them to care about other people by showing them Elmo and Ms. Rachel.
• You know that extra button that they sew on the inside of dress shirts? That's a listening device for the KGB and MI6.
• Logging onto Grindr signals to the government that you're gay, even if you're just logging on out of intellectual curiosity and aren't gay at all. At all.
• A majority Buc-ee's locations aren't real but holographic illusions created by Rosie O' Donnell to steal conservatives' credit card information.
• The sea lions at Fisherman's Wharf in San Francisco are actually undercover ICE agents staked out to monitor the Bay for illegal immigrants.
