The Newest Perks of an AMC Stubs Membership

Moviegoers will rejoice when they see that AMC has bolstered their already popular Stubs Rewards program with even more benefits. Here are the newest perks you can enjoy by joining today:

• First-time viewings of movies that will be released on streaming the next day anyway

• Free salty malt balls, but only if you don't like malt balls

• If an ICE raid occurs at the theatre and you look hispanic, you will be detained for only 24 hours instead of the standard 48

• Frieda, the girl who works our projection booths, has a band. She might ask you to join.

• Automatic refunds for any movie tickets that you didn't realize were for 3D

• Free "Better Man" promotional thong that we had left over from the premiere.

6 Lies Told By The California Cannabis Guide & Map Brochure

Super-sweet new 6 Lies Told gif animation by Fiverr seller zirodesign:

1. The map will not show you every seller standing in front of a 7-Eleven.

2. Getting too high can make you leave your shopping bag hanging on a bench like an idiot.

3. If you can tell the difference at a glance, you are not high enough.

4. Sorry to disappoint you if you got the bottom of this page and it never said where you could buy any weed.

5. "Tour in HIGH class." Get it? Oh, we have fun.

6. Glass blowing demonstrations are only for those interested in blowing Ira Glass.

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EADJ in partnership with Columbia Outdoor Company is pleased to announce the 6 Lies Told drawstring bag!

This handsome vinyl carrying bag is perfect for your Beanie Baby collection, giant ball of wax, Pomeranian dog outfits, dildo, bong, or books about strong black women. Can also carry one cabbage and one pineapple comfortably while running. It will retail for $29.99.

And Now, The Very First EADJ Fashion Roundup Featuring Only One Person

I was having lunch at a strip mall in Vauxhall, New Jersey the other week (I know, I've made some terrible life choices), when a magnificent gentleman illegally parks his car in front of me and changes my life:

That hooptie with the (non)paint job. That total disregard for the fire lane paint nearby.

That Hawaiian shirt. Those mandals.

Those shades. That goatee. Oh, those exquisite cargo pants.

This guy dresses exactly like a private investigator that lives near the ocean. Which is why he should have his own TV intro:

Now that I think about it, this isn't an EADJ Fashion Roundup at all. Ah, fuck it!

Yet Even More Taglines For That Avalanche Shark Movie You'll Never See

We're nothing if not thorough.