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InfoWars Shares Some Upcoming Conspiracy Theories

Alex Jones's crack team of conspiracy writers are at it again, tirelessly cranking out new whacked-out theories that dumb right wingers will happily accept as fact. Here are some conspiracies that they plan to feature on the show in upcoming weeks:

• Imitation crab meat is actually real crab meat but liberals are pocketing the money

• Every time a bell rings, an angel shares your personal information with the Deep State

• The reason you can never sneeze with your eyes open is because "they" WANT you to close your eyes

• The Tuskegee Airmen retired and now tour as the Harlem Globetrotters

• All the money you'd ever make on Bitcoin transactions can only be cashed out as Pogs

• A chicken who has successfully predicted every Super Bowl since 1967 has made a delicious sandwich

• BREAKING: Up is down