How To Tell The Difference Between CBS's FBI, FBI: International, and FBI: Most Wanted

Hello, network TV watcher. We understand your time is valuable, so while the 5+ minutes of pharmaceutical commercials are playing during the station break, we'd like to help you distinguish between the identical-seeming FBI programs on CBS, aka the "Tiffany network".

Here are some handy rules of thumb to tell them apart:

• If Dermot Mulroney is on it, it's FBI: Most Wanted. (No, wait. Or is it Dylan McDermott?)

• If the two lead actors are a woman and a dude with a beard, chances are it's either FBI or FBI: International

• If you see the Eiffel Tower, that means you're watching either FBI: International or FBI and the show is taking place at Kings Dominion in Virginia.

• If they're suddenly speaking Spanish and there are NOT subtitles, that just means you sat on the remote, grandma.

• If the storyline is engaging, intelligently written and impeccably acted, that means it's none of those FBI shows and you're illegally watching a pirated copy of HBO's hit series "Severance." We have called the real FBI and they are on their way.

The ProofrEADJer: End of Year Edition

UAG

Merry Christmas From EADJ

From all of us at Eat A Dick Noel Joel, we'd like to wish you a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year.

More unwrapping presents

More inviting peasants

More stuffing pheasants

More commuting sentences

More miking pences

More mending fences

More passed tenses

More zooming lenses

Here Are The Shows That Are Being Removed And Added To HBO Max This Month

Every so often, HBO Max renews or cancels shows or movies due to server size. Here now are all the shows that will be added to HBO Max this month:

• Mark Maron Almost Comes Up With a Complete Comedy Bit

• Chernobyl: The Musical

• Two Broke Girls and One Cup

• Top Gear: EV Edition

• Severance: The Joan Severance Story, Not the Popular HBO Show

Here are the shows and movies that HBO Max is removing from their lineup this month:

• Axl Rose's Yelling At a Farmers Market

• Diners, Drive-Ins, Dives & Depression

• Chernobyl: The Game Show

• Project Runway / America's Next Top Model combination show where a totally unqualified runway model wears some ineptly designed outfits

• Thorjack Norseman

Some Upcoming InfoWars Conspiracies, CHRISTMAS EDITION

Alex Jones and his talented group of writers are toiling away at providing new "news stories" to the next InfoWars broadcast. Here are the wrong-headed and completely unsourced stories they're working on:

• Elf on a Shelf dolls are equipped with micro-cameras that feed into a server that Santa shares with George Soros

• "Frosty the Snowman" is pro-abortion propaganda telling children that they can murder their own snow creations after they gave them life

• Good King Wenceslas was a real historical figure who was abducted by aliens on the Feast of Stephen

• Gift cards are devastating the traditional gift wrap, gift box and gift bag industry. Good people are dying

• The War on Christmas is an actual military engagement, located on Christmas Island being fought between Krampus Rebels and the Saint Nicholas Junta.

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