Upcoming Info Wars Conspiracies

AJ and his crack team of writers are hard at work on the newest conspiracies for you to believe in hook, line and sinker. Here are conspiracies that will appear in future Info Wars episodes:

• Tuxedo rental places give your measurements to the DNC so they catalog everyone for Marxist worksuits

• When you add your ZIP code with your Social Security number, that's how many sperm the government needs to perfectly clone you

• There's a sixth member of the Backstreet Boys who has never appeared onstage: Wally

• If you conjugate the verb "unvaccinate" in a bathroom mirror, RFK Jr. will appear.

• Employees of Combination Pizza Hut / Taco Bell / KFC restaurants get paid TRIPLE and are genetically altered to birth triplets

Info Wars Presents: Conspiracy Theories FOR KIDS

PragerU has launched programs to indoctrinate children with far right beliefs. Not to be outdone, Info Wars is announcing the following conspiracy theories directly to children:

• Your parents are withholding most of your allowance and giving it to illegals

• Slavery was just a bunch of grown ups playing farmer and boss

• What really sank the Titanic? Drag queens.

• McDonald's McFlurries are delicious because they're made with liberal tears

• Krampus is actually Nancy Pelosi

• Fidget Poppers are a gateway to queer poppers

More Wackadoodle Conspiracy Theories From InfoWars

Alex Jones and his merry band of dipshit conspirators continue to pollute the blogosphere with their unhinged, fact-free conspiracy theories. Here are the latest that they're working on:

• Taylor Swift is secretly including code in her MP3s that include directions to the nearest abortion clinic near you

• The OAN Network has been ordained by God, with the Angel Gabriel taking a position as prime time anchor from 8pm-9pm.

• Arkansas governor Sarah Huckabee Sanders wears those unflattering gingham dresses to troll elite New York fashion magazines and anyone with good taste

• MyPillow CEO Mike Lindell would like to crash at your place for a few weeks if you could hook him up

• Public libraries are using our tax dollars to become indoctrination centers of liberal learning, liberal life skills training and liberal reading for the enjoyment of it

EADJ: Smecial Mini Dream Entry

 

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