A Quick Note From Barbie To Her Contractor

Hey Hank-

Thanks for completing that job for me with such a quick turnaround. You realize it's really hard for me to find good help living alone and holding down 327 jobs. But I do have a couple of comments regarding the new stairs you built from the living room to the second floor.


1) They're pink, which I told you you didn't have to make them this one time.

2) They're so fucking narrow that I can barely use them.


Yes, I realize I am thin, and my feet are always unnaturally on their tiptoes, but you have to admit this is a shoddy job. I can break my neck at any time on these things! You might as well have installed a ladder.


I believe the legal guideline for stairs is 7" high and 11" deep. These stairs seem to be measuring .5" x .475".

Please, Hank, fix these again. I've got a tea party in about twenty minutes. Please excuse the mess in my house- I don't remember parking my Malibu Camaro in the den. Thanks.

Look At This Asshole.

Just look at her. Walking down stairs while on her phone. You're gonna break your neck that way, lady. Can't you wait till the bottom of the stairs before checking your email? What an asshole.

Sent from my iPhone

Pure Laziness In My Office Building

Meet Daniel.

Producer extraordinaire. And all around nice guy.


Danny's super power is that he can communicate with both BBQ pork sandwiches and BBQ chicken sandwiches. Some even call him "The BBQ Sandwich Whisperer."