Showing posts with label senate foreign relations committee. Show all posts
Showing posts with label senate foreign relations committee. Show all posts

Friday, July 15, 2022

More Memorable Lines From Movies I Haven't Watched


"Well, time to WRAP this whole adventure up!" *lame laughter track*


"Holy shit, are you Ryan Gosling?"

"No, are you Michelle Williams?"

"No."


"AAAAAHHHHHH!!!! AAHHHHH! AAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!"


"Are you ready to race?"

"No."


"From tha muthafuckin' streets of Dayton Ohio, bitches, we RUN THIS BITCH."


"If you have your hand up in me, who has their hand up in you?"


Uh... is this movie real? Pass.

"Jeez, fans of Olivia Newton John probably never knew how hard she was to work with behind the scenes." 

Friday, October 2, 2020

Back After a Six (!) Year Hiatus: CSI EADJ

(Previous CSI: EADJ entries can be found here.)


The forensic team at EADJ is well-rested and finally back to tackle unsolved cases after having observed some of the garbage and junk of New York and New Jersey to reconstruct what they think happened:

CASE 38842:
Location: Newark Airport


Conclusion: a traveling gorilla, desperate to catch his only flight home to the Congo Basin, leaves his lunch behind in a mad dash to get through security. He neglects to tip the Uber driver.

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CASE 38843:
Location: Union, NJ





Evidence: a car parked on what appears to be either a giant yellow macaroon or a plush emoji with the letters "RDAY" on it, surrounded by an empty dime bag and a used lipstick.

Conclusion: After a fun SatuRDAY at a carnival, a female drug user is too distracted and gets run over by a car that was parallel parking.

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CASE 38844:
Location: Vauxhall, NJ






Evidence: what appears to be a large bag of carefully sliced tomatoes suddenly abandoned or violently thrown to the ground. 

Conclusion: A new employee at Subway wants to impress his new bosses by spending all night slicing tomatoes to perfection, only to be greeted by them the next morning with a mop.

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CASE 38845:
Location: Preble, NY




Evidence: a pair of filthy, abandoned Ugg boots and a bottle of Corona in a paper bag

Conclusion: encouraged by the advertisement to "Find Your Beach", a drunk coed imagines herself at a lagoon in Fiji with a breathtaking view when in fact it was just an onramp to Highway 81.