Some Upcoming InfoWars Conspiracies

Alex Jones and his talented pool of writers have been cooking up some good fake news stories for you conspiracy-minded. Here are the latest juicy piles of bullshit coming your way soon:

• The moon doesn't exist; it's actually a giant illuminated balloon engineered by Disney to make you wish more.

• Menudo is a cleverly disguised human trafficking operation run by Mexican cartel dwarves.

• Anyone wearing a Canada Goose down jacket can legally be drafted into the Canadian Goose Research Expedition in the Antarctic.

• Whoever's in the prison kitchen actually in charge of tossing the salads probably gets wisecracks all the time (not a conspiracy, just an observation).

• If you cannot pronounce something at a sushi bar, you get it for free.

• That Stretch Armstrong doll you enjoyed pulling apart as a kid actually could feel all of that.

An Interesting Bloke I Spotted On the Subway

I noticed on the subway that this dude was intently writing something in his journal.

Upon closer inspection, it appears he was drawing either a complex doodle or something beyond normal human comprehension.

So either this guy is completely off his nut or has just solved our dependence on foreign oil forever. Maybe both.