Don Considers His Time Valuable, Goddammit

Now, Don is not one to futz around and beat around the bush: he is a VERY BUSY MAN. So busy, in fact that he has to get work done on the way home from work. That's why Don sets up his Briefcase Desk®. That's a little invention he made to get more work done on the commuter train to Jersey. No, this type of thing is not for sale. This is not a crummy commercial for that. It's just a little something Don created for himself to get more work done. Because dammit if he's not a busy man.

Don't worry. Don does keep an accurate log of the hours that he works while on the train. He keeps track with an old fashioned alarm clock which he keeps on the right corner of his Briefcase Desk®. "If you're gonna do work, keep track of the time," Don always says.

Sometimes when things get really busy, Don wheels in a photocopier and a fax machine. There's a phone jack and a three-pronged outlet right by the train seat. And if he's working late, he plugs in a coffee maker. The Briefcase Desk® has a pocket for coffee filters and stirrers.

Great work, Don, and have a good weekend. We'll see you at 7am on Monday.

Meanwhile, At the Romantic Comedy Poster Conference...

"Okay, well it's a known fact that Pretty Woman was an unqualified success. And I think most of its success could be attributed to the fact that the lead actors were standing back to back in the poster."

"Yes. So should we agree to always put the male and female standing back-to-back in romantic comedy posters?"


"It sounds like a sound idea. Having them stand back-to-back has a certain symmetrical beauty to it."


"I don't know, it implies visually that the two are disagreeing at some point in the movie...Like they're dueling with pistols."

"Well, metaphorically they are, Jordan. The two characters in romantic comedies never get along, at FIRST. But then they always, always, always, find that they love each other. And the back-to-back thing captures that dynamic perfectly."


"My name's not Jordan. It's Keith."

"Well, you look like Keith from marketing."

"Gentlemen... and lady. We must also expand this practice to cover all of Kate Hudson's movies. She has in her contract with Warner Brothers that any movie she is in must have her standing back-to-back with the male lead."


"Wait, I don't see the word 'male' in the contract. Just any lead."


"And since we're on the subject of actors, Matthew McConaughey also has it, but his clearly states 'female' lead."


"Are his female leads required to also stand with their back to Matthew?"

"Doesn't say. But I'm going to assume we have the latitude to mix it up."


"Well, that's a relief. Then we can have fun with it."


"Okay, so this brings us to all Kate Hudson/ Matthew McConaughey movies. Do their contracts strengthen each other or cancel each other out?"


"Well, their agents spoke to each other and told me, 'Fuck the rules.' They said just putting them together is going to be box office gold!"