Six Lies Told By The Monticello Motor Track Brochure

This was found at the Mall at Short Hills, New Jersey. It's a very high end shopping center where Jamaican nannies push white babies around in strollers to pick up their Janie & Jack dining jackets. This pamphlet invites the wealthy to come drive their million dollar Lamborghinis at their professional-race-level courses.

1) A lifetime only if you have a fatal crash.

2) An exaggeration. Most sports cars are actually not that thrilled to be on the track.

3) This part of the track is actually Old Man Miller's driveway. You really shouldn't be driving on it unless you want Miller to chase you with a shovel.

4) "22 unique turns?"

Left. Right. Straight. Slight left. Slight right.

Those five pretty much cover every turn on this course.

5) The "Radical SR1 Experience" apparently involves driving a racer under a closing garage door.

6) Wearing a crash helmet is just as important to one's safety as NOT WEARING A LANYARD FROM YOUR NECK WHILE RACING.

-------------------

Six Lies Told is proud to announce The Kings of Six Lies Comedy Tour, starring Edgar Collins, Jackey Mackey, T Dub Soft, and the incomparable Mika Hargrove. These four up and coming urban comedians give it to you straight about the 6 lies that are out there, each recounting them in their own unique style of comedy. Tickets are $1.99 online, $2.99 at the door.

UAG

Slipped Under My Front Door Recently: The Race Card

Some flyers by (State) Senatorial candidate Jerome Dunn pretty blatantly ask me to vote for him just because he's black. Which even more cynically assumes that's the reason I voted for Obama.


Comparing his shitty house with that of opponent Ray Lesniak's sprawling mansion isn't really a great strategy, either. I mean, will Jerome Dunn be available to vote on important issues if he's too busy shooing raccoons from his crawlspace?


And "lives like a Republican?!" You mean to tell me there are no rich Democrats?! You are so adorably naive, Jerome Dunn. Pinch your cheek.

Hey, I know. I'll vote for a box turtle for Senator. It'll be HISTORIC. THE FIRST BOX TURTLE AS STATE SENATOR.

For Shame, Barnes & Noble.

Joel would read that, though.