Six Lies Told By The Monticello Motor Track Brochure

This was found at the Mall at Short Hills, New Jersey. It's a very high end shopping center where Jamaican nannies push white babies around in strollers to pick up their Janie & Jack dining jackets. This pamphlet invites the wealthy to come drive their million dollar Lamborghinis at their professional-race-level courses.

1) A lifetime only if you have a fatal crash.

2) An exaggeration. Most sports cars are actually not that thrilled to be on the track.

3) This part of the track is actually Old Man Miller's driveway. You really shouldn't be driving on it unless you want Miller to chase you with a shovel.

4) "22 unique turns?"

Left. Right. Straight. Slight left. Slight right.

Those five pretty much cover every turn on this course.

5) The "Radical SR1 Experience" apparently involves driving a racer under a closing garage door.

6) Wearing a crash helmet is just as important to one's safety as NOT WEARING A LANYARD FROM YOUR NECK WHILE RACING.

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A side of Tianna you never knew.

Few people know this, but Tianna used to be a State District Judge in Harris County in Houston, TX.

Back in 2005, it was she who reduced mountains of paper documents in the courtroom's docket by converting everything to digital. This decision came after Tianna found that scrolling through thousands of legal documents cut down on her ability to lick her extremely fluffy paws. Since then, the civil courts building has freed up over 40,000 square feet of storage space, allowing all new gardens of baby carrots and green sprouts to be planted there.

Tianna calmed critics by saying that judges won't have to work with digital documents if they aren't comfortable with the technology and that some paper documents will still be needed in most cases. She also snuffled and scratched her wiggly nose with her back paw before slamming the gavel at the bench.